It's over !!
Mood:  special
Now Playing: cooking up a storm
Topic: struggle and dance

 What is it .. I don't get .. i was getting myself dry and listening to these 2 men chatting about a girl and asking themselves the question as to the nature of her sexuality .. well they must have felt guilty because they soon quieted down .. and then bang Christopher is there and i'm confused as to why he is bearing down on me from a great height so to speak . i start to talk of the weekend and he says quite rightly it's over . well i felt like i had been banged to rights .. caught in the act of something i shouldn't .. and so i can't help but recal the poem concerning blame and how come there is so much of it in the world . that it is best not to worry about it too much .. and yes i feel that things are getting better even though there i a great deal of weirdness around .. 

this is my day ..

i woke after a dream .. wolves black and light ones .. all running  

and then up around 07.15AM wonderful ready for the day and feeling good so far .. tai chi to get me started .. plus some yoga .. and well by 08.30AM i was ready for my close up .. and running with a good mate .. cross country .. with the sun already rising high in the sky i enjoyed the calm of the morning .. we ran for maybe 4 miles .. and talked .. i let him do the running as he was smarting from an injury and we arrived back 40 mins later .. 

to be honest the rest of the time before the shops openned was a blur ..  however one plus is that i moved the furniture around to  give some room to the place ..

after shopping and breakfast i was feeling good and did some house work plus  washing and some meditation or sleep i can't recal .. anyhow the morning went by swiftly .. and i was into my lunchtime and preparing to meet Chris and Janet for 02.30PM well this arrived all too soon 

yes i was nervous and yet the afternoon was a success Chris and I had a fantiastic time and i enjoyed myself wholeheartedly climbing trees .. jumping streams .. and taking a few photos .. the land is very picturesque these days and i was surprised to find frogs spawn .. made my day .. we returned and i learned a few things about the garden .. time to plant peas ..

arriving home i was somewhat overwhelmed by the whole day . having done all the things i needed to do .. tai chi yoga learning more about how to style lists and make cool navigation bars .. whilst keeping with my guitar practice .

and so the late afternoon arrived and i chose to level things down a bit .. some meditation and some tai chi 30 mins and later a swim and sauna .. lasting until 06.40PM .. yes i was a bit stressed and what went on in the sauna was a result of my overexcitement .. nice to see Allan . and also Russell no less .. and so on to the changing rooms thing .. no bones broken .. and  i guess a little role confusion . yes that would be it  .. enough said .. if people want to be homophobic well it is not pretty and it is not worth worrying about .. and i hope that when ever i have said things that i have later on regretted .. well i am not going to cast the first stone . and to be fair i was intrigued as to the topic of the conversation if you could call it that . lesbian mmnn very sad to be fair .. very sad .. however there you are world doing its thing and us trying to make it work . 

i wonder if all this is getting to me women are from venus and men are from mars .. mnn.. and me from Queens .

thanks to waking up . to good luck good fortune to tai chi yoga to  excercise to saunas to  medicine to vitamins to good neighbours to good landlords to friends to family to a roof over my head to help with living rent paid to fellow yogis and all those people who are helping through this troubled time to senses limbs to meditation to shops to toys to phones to showers to work and work mates to sleep to learning to books to teachers like Rose and Andrew to Jilll to being sober a non smoker to being single to the safety of all i know .. to travel to cars to Work at SCC .. to work mates to email to the internet to gardening to laughter to tears to music to comedy to art to walks to breakfast lunch and dinner to education to Queens to Aberdeen to University to poems to reiki to rest 

and that is about it . yes a weird day .when you find out what is in your room 101 ..

a rather upsetting day
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: the sound of a car alarm
Topic: enter rip curler

i guess that this day is much like any other day . the sky was a little more blue and it was warmer .. i was rather more excitable in my way .. and to be fair . the same got done as in most days .. perhaps more .but without people that might be the key ..

now to begin i woke late and slumbered as much as i could .. till well past 08.00AM teeling myself that i had not had a lie in for a long time .. and so the day got off to a late beginning .. yes there was the tai chi and the breakfast shopping etc and even swimming  and a sauna even although to be honest i swam for 25 mins and  left after only 50 mins .. too many families . no fault but well swimming was like swimming through a minefield .. 

and after well the highlight . buying flowers and getting them  delivered .. i guess that i know what is bothering me . simple .. Rachel from parkgate 

i am not used to her ways as yet ..and threats of a home visit well . i know that i am on the whole ok .. good days and better . yes work is really becoming satisfying and friendships are blooming .. my yoga practice is again enabling me to enjoy the long silences etc .. like today i sat alone and enjoyed being rested and in no hurry .. so i guess that i am becoming comfortable with myself .. more and more .. it seems .. 

yes there are problems .. my phantom erections well i would prefer not to have them and i imagine that these will go eventually or that i will be able to deal with them .. i have foundm that an active mind does this best ..

and so when someone you know very little about starts to call in the heavy brigade well .. part of me feels like that would be a change .. i mean what would they find .. a beautiful home that oozes good tidings .. fresh cooking now that i have the oven sorted .. great .. people in glass houses well ..

anyhow to today .. after swimming and my idea on a present for mum i had lunch and did some work from 02.00 till 03.00PM well i was surprised to see Andrew and relieved to see Bethen whom seems such a poor thing .. quiet and rather sad .. 

and so i was pleased to see the sunshine and the fine afternoon and went out and filmed it .. a few nice shots and back home .. followed by some home work css and a guitar session . lasting until before tea time .. now of course tonight is special another month of standing like a stake .. and i managed to watch the world go round for a while until the meal was done .. salmon goats cheese beans and jacket potato with a dash of what was in the baking tray  with houmous of course .. rather wonderful .. 

and so this has been my day .

thanks to waking up this morning . good luck to good fortune to good mental health great physical health to birthdays to help with living to rent paid to good neighbours great landlords to gardens to work and being paid to hobbies to email to the internet to learning css html xhtml etc to the weekend to a roof over my head to warmth on a cool night to toys to phones to family to swimming saunas and tai chi yoga to fellow yogis and teachers like Andrew Rose and to all those who have my best interests at heart . drs and nurses to social workers to chemists to psychiatrists to peace of mind to Such to scc and work mates to people like Janet to books to senses and limbs to laughter and tears to comedy and to music to a good shave to shops to breakfast lunch and dinner to medicne to vitamins to meditation to the safe keeping of all those i know ..

and now it is dark and well i hope that i have discovered something about myself . yes i considered the situation . of whether i had ever witnessed my father or fathers satisfying my mum and i considered this and did an experiment .. yes the advert "IT'S FANTASTIC" well that was good enough for me . that  was my father doing the lake for my mum.. thanks to the rather fantastic girl on the till well i hope that i can give her a hint about the great thing she did ..thankyou .. !! there!! no one will know . 

and so to the phone call that i have just recieved .. again i bit my tongue and stayed listening ..

mum said that it was a surprise . ahah !!

and yes it would be a great idea that the two ladies in my life go into house sitting together  . wonderful!! and i am looking forward to seeing either one on wednesday ... 03.30 PM . 

i guess that one of the finest things you can say is I'm glad of that conversation ..

and now it 's before 08.00PM and closing time .. last orders please .. my neighbourhood seems quiet now that the club has closed no bands no noise and only a few homeless every now and then . 

the day has had it's highs and lows

lows being .. swimming .. and highs being mum phoning ..

 

Oh lord a day that ended in thinking
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: silence inside traffic without
Topic: tai chi with Andrew !!!

i feel at a loss . yes i am tired and the day has passed by quickly .. and i believe that i am progressing especially in my practice of tai chi .. yes today i let rip and two things hapenned . one no one got hurt in any way .. and two .. it felt right .. noted that there was a small amount of attention from my fellows .. now to the other pressing issues .. nothing so far with Jane .. patience!!! and yes i feel torn . because i don't yet have enough self confidence to imagine that i could provide an environmnet where her own realtionships could bloom . dinner parties and the like . men are from mars women are from venus great .. and now to the day 

woke at 07.00AM well ok earlier but snoozed and went swimming .  45 mins a mile and a sauna .. till 09.00AM and went home and did more tai chi and yoga . for an hour.. and so by 11.00AM i was ready to nap and woke around 12.15PM whereupon i went out to shop .. and met Sarah God we get on well .. we talked till past 01.05PM and i had to hurry home to have a chance at something to eat .. after a snack i ran to tai chi class and had the best of days . thanks largely to Andrew and his way of making each lesson differenet .. it is like a box of chocs yu never know what yer gonna git . ah and the gang were all there . Pauline Kay June and last but by no means least Jane . yes i felt good and the afternoon went well . i learned a lot .. mainly to focus focus focus .. attention to detail is Andrew's specaility .. and after well .. i went home talked to Adam for a while and did some thinking ie  a quick walk around the block .. of course i did manage some bass guitar practice and a few pages of Excession IM Banks great whilst i figured out the xhtml .. with a few surprises .. 85% and something to be proud of ..yep good '

now that the sun has set welll it is Mum's birthday and a present might be in order .. something that the lady would like . caps on 

of course the high was that nano second of attention and the low was having no one on the end of the line at such .. and no jane .. so for the next week tongue biting time .

well i guess that that is that . i feel drained and somewhat alone when to be fair i would love someone to be with .. i believe it is the lack of a tv .. mn 

thanks however to the usual suspects .. only i remembered to say the right words a give credit where credit is due and that i trust Andrew totaly even if it meant putting my hand out .. those nails were fantatic ballanced so .. of course . to  good luck good fortune to good neighbours to good lanldords to good mental health good physical health to great spirits to senses and limbs to the intenret to email to teahcers like Andrew Jill to Rose to tai chi to yoga to laughter tears to comedy to music to being sober a non smoker to being single to learning waking up to breakfast to lunch to tea to help with living to rent paid to toys to phones to sleep to medicine to vitamins to books to radio to fellow yogis and yoginis to fellow taosits to gardens to friends to family to people like Ahmmud to Nagib to swimming to saunas to teeth to hair to peace of mind to work to being paid to hobbies to shops. 

 

i might just go and do a bit of twittering  plus some guardian online .. 

a day of parts
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: sound of the traffic
Topic: health

before i forget or at least before i start to ramble on .. firstly the morning went well again .. the afternoon was a challenge that i rose to and tonight is strangely sureal ..

i woke later than usual and delved into my tai chi yoga shopping and breakfast all done by before 11.00AM well waking up i knew that i was going to be ok .. or at least have a fair shot at the whip .. after well i made my way to .. in an orderly fashion to the men's group where i hoped that had  an agreeable contribution .. and an hour later or so 12.30PM i was out and swimming by 01 .00 PM now of course i met a great girl Nikki who somewhat shocked me because we got on so well .. every time i expected the semi cold shoulder this Goddess just kept on being beautiful and charming .. i fell in love almost straight way..father a printer and brought up in Dundee wow we have s much in common .. bingo . 

now afterwards i had an appointment at the hospital and i was there for an hour .. where i truly did need to employ my yoga skills .. things were falling apart and the sound of the crowd was getting to me .. and i was beginnng to panic inside and it seemed as if it was onlly a matter of time before i lost it big style .. and then after trying conversation i sank into a yogic meditation and this worked beautifuly .. and some time later i was roused by the dr calling my name .. i was alert and well and enjoyled the meeting .. homeward bound i walked easilly and arrived home by around 05.15PM

yoga with Rose was interesting i loved my present and did a special thing .. no need to compete ..headstand you know the score ..

and so that seems to be it ..

thanks to  good luck good fortune good mental health great physical health great spirits great neighbours great landlords to waking up this morning to tai chi breakfast lunch and tea to dinner to albemarletoys to tears to laughter to comedy to the drs and nurses and all those people who have helped me in my current situation to hobbies to the internet to medicine vitamins  to teachers Andrew Rose and fellow yoginis and yogis to fellow taoists to Kay and June to Jane to Pauline to teeth to hair to email to family to phones to peace of mind and the men's group to Andrew to a roof over my head to help wiith living and the rent to the albemarle center to meditation to work and being paid to the guys at Somerset community computers to swimming and to Nikki to saunas to senses and limbs to being sober a non smoker to being single to sleep to gardens to shops to learning and to games 

a darned good day
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: a superlative day . thanks to Norman and Dan and all at work
Topic: hacking

i guess that once you takeaway a few choice moments today has proved more than average . thanks to a few discovered facts . Norman who is a computer whizzz and Dan who is where i would like to be in say XX time .. yep web developer extrordinaire .. wow basically so i guess God moves in ways that we can never understand .. ah mn and so to the day in a sequential manner ..  woke at 07.00AM and prepared for work .. tai chi for an hour or so .. great and of course shopping breakfast and a few odds and ends .. meditation and some yoga . till 10.00AM . i felt comfortable with Janet and Chris and so we set to work .. hard and fast .. and in the mean time well chatting to the guys . Peter and Tony . Dan and Norman .. of course discovering more about these guys was a real boon .. photography and web language . and a whole lot of weirrd humour wonderful .. gentlemen !! 

and yes i was quite exhausted come 01.30PM where i went home and mediated for 30 mins . till 02.00PM enjoying the peace only to go swimming till 03.30PM nice to see Kim and a lady who gave me advice upon teaching . at scat well i never !!

and once home more css and html links for once working for once .. and at past 04.30PM guitar practice .. and after well more walking and a short stop to play a fender bass mex .. mnn £500 .. mnn and after enjoying the sunshine and the crowds .. 

home by early evening and cooked chicken .. simple whilst a raunchy bit of the novel of the moment .. Excession . new culture .. and well that is about it . 

health wise things are ok .. so far as i haven't done anything rash .. however i must admit that things can get a trifle out of hand hard reminders sometimes . where it seems like that my life hangs in the whim of the tide .. 

anyhow life is how you make it and i am doing my damnest to fil in every moment ..

so to goodl luck and good fortune good friends .. good mental health great physical health and to good spirits to waking up to tai chi to yoga to shops to meditation to sleep to work and travel to work mates to everyone at work todaa y to lunch to customers to vitamins to medicine to laughter and tears to comedy to music to hobbies to a roof over my head to help with living to rent paid to good neighbours to good landlords to the mail to gardens to books to learning to teachers Andrew Ross and to being sober a non smoker to being siingle to teeth and hair to Jane the girl i love .. to radio to the internet to email to wallks to fellow yoginis to yogis to fellow taoists June Jane and Kay to Pauline .to family to phones to toys to dinner to senses and limbs and to work that is paid to peace of mind to people like Rose and Mark to Maggi to Stuart Bethen Jo and Lucy etc to Susan and to Bob and all at mind .. to Andrew 

the highs today .. plaiying a fender mex .. easy .. and discovering more about the people i work with .. Dan and Norman ..Peter and Tony .. Chris ..and Lynn ..

well i guess that  is that .. warmth on a cool night .. and the lows . 

still being single after all these years . and the lonliiness that comes with the territory .. feeling exhausted and spent .. like the horse in waiting for Godot 

 

another close shave
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: all i need is love
Topic: enter rip curler

and the day went into a nose dive for about 20 mins or so maybe less and yet not the best of signs for recovery eh ! and yet before i knew what was happening it was gone like a thief in the night .

i woke early 07.20AM feeling off in need of sleep but soon to be immersed in the day .. and so the morning broke with some tai chi  till 08.25AM  and a quick wash and brush up and out 

went shopping: breakfast and to work .. well more like catching up . Mark was early so we talked about friends and wartime .. good really . and then i was off to yoga . where i had a great time .. afterwards i talked with Sylvia .. hope that her daughter is ok .. and again that I see Rachel soon .. wednesday . and so i was back at peace of mind by before 12.00PM and reading more cognitve therapy.. now this is where i started to fall apart .. Rose came and talked and after well i got  the  notion that my thoughts were somehow part of the general conversation   upstairs not scary but i needed to get away . and went shopping for lunch things were ok again prety soon and after a lunch of mackeral i went swimming and had a sauna .. seeming ok again . and so by 03.30 PM i was at my computer with css files and pseudo classes .. and by 04.30 PM washing clothes and out the door getting some air .. nice to talk with some famiilar faces and was shopping for something for the evening salmon and yes home and done by 05.40PM .. the flat smelled divine . roasted vegetables and olive oil .. mnn lovely

i did of course get round to some bass guitar practice and today i was on top form .. jazzy even .. and feeling good . if that is the operative word .. happy in the fresh air of a sunny day .. all trouble somehow behind me .. singing even .. and thoughts of the holy spirit that is such a part of life now .i would like to speak freely .. knowing that these events occur hurts me and i guess that that was the topic that i was following this lunchtime .. the advantages of having such negativity largely amounts to control .. i imagine that if i am the one to dish it out then no one else can . i have a feeling that this cognitive therapy might have a simiar effect upon me as the psychotherapy .. making me sick .. however .. i am comimitted to wading through the volume . if only slowlly .. making sure i follow the exercises .. whatever the cost .. i know that once complete i shall be stronger and perhaps wiser .. 

and the highs of the day .. perhaps chatting to Mark and Rose for that matter .. walking in the sunshine singing my songs .. 

lows of course .. studying the cognitive therapy book .. whilst desperately wanting to know what was going on around me and  so becoming slightly batty .. 

one thing i have noted is that we tend to self medicate .. Maggi cried out that her computer said something to her ..and when i peeked round the door i felt her recoil .. as these things mean a llittle more if you have had the same experiences as ourselves .. metaphors become more than reality .. and i guess that when something is speaking well nowadays 9 times out of 10 this is a figure of speech .. 

now that the sun had set . i feel that life is easing up somewhat and mourn the passing of so many years that have been lost . it is only now that i have been aware of my improving health that i have made any movement in the direction of the future .. i know now what i i want to be .. and how to get it .. to be or not to be that is the question .. and to be a web developer is ample enough .. whilst the word hacker matches me to the three masts of the schooner .. sci fi .. musical ability. and computer languages .. the thought of creating a dynamic website is exciting .. something that has a front end and a rear .. first i built a page . that could be read anywhere on the planet now that was excting . then adding to that various media .. film music etc and then begining to see how information is transfered from computer to server and from server back to computer  that is the next big thing ..

now for some thankyous . 

to waking up this morning  to tai chi and yoga to shops to breakfast and work and being paid to work mates Mark and Rose etc to yoga teacher Rose and to fellow yogiinis Sylvia and Simon etc . nice to see everyone really Fran and Anna etc and to books and to good luck to good fortune to great mental health to rand physical health to great spirits to toys and phones to excercise to saunas to aquantances at the pool to learning and to a roof over my head to rent paid to good neighbours to grand landlords to vitamins to medicine to hobbies to gardens to Ahmud and surprises to lunch and dinner to being sober being single to beng a non smoker to the internet to email to teachers like Andrew and Rose to fellow taoists ..Jane Kay to June to Pauine to Jill and biodanza to laughter and tears to comedy and music to newspapers and to poems . 

i would love to imagine that every day brings me closer to full recovery . and why not .. it has been done before .. and i am following the right road .. therapy and a good stable routine that has brought order into a chaotic world . 

 

 

i guess that this day will have to speak for itself
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: how i got rid of the tv and other great hits
Topic: struggle and dance

ok so today has had it's moments .. and i guess the best way to describe how i am in myself is to start from the very beginning .. yes .

woke at what was a shock the clock said 07.00 AM and yet i knew that something was not right i felt tired and yet i was surprised to find that i had woken at 06.00AM great i went back to bed and snoozed till the proper time . an hour later i was awake and doing tai chi till about time to go running .. yes i felt ok and yet Tim seemed to be on form i lagged behind . the surface was not to my liking and I saw Tim almost walk on water he danced even whilst i was heavy footed .. however after a while and quite a fast pace later we began to talk and the run became something to enjoy i also became more affable and enjoyed myself somewhat .. even though to be fair i was not at my best and felt somewhat over eager in other respects .. to put it bluntly i felt like an adolescent with a hard on embarrased greatly .. anyhow the morning went by swiftly and i returned home and had breakfast .. and decided to catch up on some shut eye woke around lunch time .. tried some chess and prepare to meet Chris at 02.30PM somehow however the afternoon was to prove difficult and the walk was a lesson in how to conrol the growing fear that i had not felt for some time .. i was sick to my boots and we walked in silence . sometimes mumbling can really confuse the situation .. anyhow misunderstandings aside i was very pleased to see my old freind and to spend some time no matter how painful .. i passed of alll people Mark who must live close by i wondered how he was as it was too late to ask as he had gone by the time i registered the fact .. upon arriving home after a slow walk home arriving at 04.05PM i chose to get rid .. accoding to taoist lore getting rid like spring cleaning is good for you and so out went the tv and the set top box and Adam was pleased he offered £30 and i was surprised as i had not considered this aspect .. 

now by the time the tv had gone it was time to go to the pool and i was shocked to see of all people .. Russel and apart from being pleased to see him he  shocked me so . i sensed the situation and closed my eyes .Patrick was in good spirits and we traded jokes this eased my troubled mind and i was in better spirits myself and with a composed sense i greeted the man i suppose that coming from a service family i was on familiar ground and yet i know how my exciteable nature can run away with things.. although the most frightening moment was the change in him .. however no use us all getting messed up .. and after a swim .. i felt better .. good also to see Mike and nice to chat .. relaxed and you never know he might take me up on my offer of a run .. one Sunday perhaps .. a gentleman's jaunt .. mnn perhaps !! anyhow i made it back home and enjoyed a beautiful evening meal .. roasted veg in olive oil .potato and goats cheese .. nice and now i sit with perhaps a more even temper and thank goodness for friends . again today i have to say that it is people that make all the difference . 

thanks to good luck good fortune to friends like Chris  Mike  Patrick  Russel  . Luke  to Brian  to  Janet  to Tim and to waking up this morning . to exercise and tai chi yoga to sleep to a roof over my head to toys to phones to good mental health good physical health great spirits and to the safety of us all . to laughter and to tears to comedy to music to warmth on a cold night to hobbies to breakfast to lunch to dinner to shops to reiki to walks to tao te ching to books to teachers like Andrew Rose to help with living to saunas to rent paid to good neighbours good landlords to teeth and hair to vitamins medicine to Drs Nurses and everyone who has helped me in my current situation . to travel to the weekend to fellow yogis and yoginis to gardens to meditation to senses and limbs to being sober a non smoker and single to books and to the internet and email ..

thanks
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: good luck
Topic: health
good luck to good fortune to good neighbors to good landlords to the brewhouse to friends to family to love to laughter tears to comedy to music to being sober a non smoker to good mental health good physical health great spirits to senses limbs to a roof over to people like Amanda and Rose to teachers and family to gardens to swimming exercise to saunas to tai chi to waking up to shops to breakfast to lunch to dinner to tv to radio to medicine to vitamins to toys to email to internet to skills to cognitive therapy to books to teachers Andrew Rose and al to Drs and Nurses to senses limbs etc to teeth to hair to hobbies to help with living and rent paid to walks out to safe keeping of us all to love and chance meeting to  Jane the girl i'm going to marry .. and to the weekend to today

a day that on the whole has been ok so far
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: hi to Jane Disperah
Topic: for the record

ok i feel somewhat bemused i feel ok and yet something is not quite as it should be . something in the background .. and yet i have had a day of it .. perhaps my life style needs a bit of a lift .. no guitar today and ever so quiet ..

now to the way i feel well .. yes on the whole no anxiety and very little to worry over and yet . perhaps i should be making hay whilst the sun shines so to speak . perhaps that is it i am being left behind .. and i have only just this minute twigged as to the benefits of being in love .. makes life worth living so to speak .. if you are in love everything you do has meaning.. only thing is that falling in love requires a certain amount of discernement .. you  have to fall for one rather than many to fall for one and no one else. rather than oggle all those others .. walking down the street surrounded by so many girls well marriage is a matter of a trade off .. and i am beyond seeing the attractions of just one singular female .and yet i guess love will take it's course . or not .. i suppose .

so to today waking after  a wonderful night 

a challenging day
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: go go .. hush my darling don't you cry
Topic: beginning to play

and so it is  Friday and that feeling again . yes i have been foolish. and i guess that now i can rest .. alone yes and yes i know in grave  danger .. so keeping busy shaking the tree ..

 and now to this day .. i woke early and was up by 07.10AM whereupon i started my tai chi lasting only 60 mins or so yes there was yoga involved also . and so by 0815AM i was ready for the day. i went shopping and went to work and to be fair that went well very well .. and i was done by 09.45AM whereby i began phase 2 and for an hour i meditated and then i guess did some more till past 11.15l AM or so . after i considered joining the others .. and spent the next hour or so showing pictures..  of space to Andrew and Nick plus a story that had caught my eye an asteroid for sale and a virtual one at that ..being involved in mind on a Friday morning come lunch time is quite stressful and i started to feel rather confused the breadth of talk talk was getting to me and i employed the cognitive therapy routines that i had learned over the months . asking others questiions can be helpful .. semantics works .. grey thinking whereby something is neither black or white .. Nick's answer helped a great deal .. just being at mind is stressful . pinpointed the problem . and instead of using infllamatory language to describe how i felt i toned it down to what it was infact .. less stress all round .. and so by around lunch time or 12.30 PM i was feeling ok .. not quite there but well on the way .. 

now upon arriving home i chirrped up as lunch was ready and i ate well .. swimming after and a sauna where i met some familiar  faces and felt rather silly describing what was going on in my mind ah well she was very attractive and well calling her a doctor went down well .. anyhow i learned that it is better to speak slow and think fast .. and after well home and home work more css this time pseudo class and their ovelyuse in unordered lists .. somehow the afternoon went by like a flash .. and it was getting on for 4.00PM so i finished up with some guitar scales and headed for hte open door .. a run till 05.00PM and a bite to eat after . lovely

and now well it's past 06.00PM and the day is still with us grey d yet still light .. my eyes are ok .. and the silence is punctuated by the sound of the town .. a distant rumble and the sound of generators ..od 

thanks to waking up good luck to good fortune good mental health to great physical health great spirits to good landlords great neighbours to help with living help with rent Drs and Nurses people like Rose and Amanda Dixon to Rachel to vitamins to medicine to a roof over my head to swimming to tai chi to peace of mind to work to mates to friends to toys to phones to gardens to being paid to art to hobbies to shops to being sober a non smoker to being single to music to comedy to laughter to tears to senses limbs to tv to radio to g ames online to email ..online news to books and to teachers like Andrew Rose to the albemarle center to the weekend and to rest and relaxarion 

yes i think that owning a rock or asteroid is quite cool and yet all it is a website. a file somewhere on a server ..and to be honest it is like playing the stock market . you buy x amount of iron ore and hope that the amount you paid is less than the return you recieve .. putting a nigtclub on top is merely a chat room ... so no great shakes then .. 

and onwards still light dusk yes but still you can see the grey clouds . and it is past 06.00PM

highs have been the run .. and strangely the afternoon spent on learning some css .. and the low well i would have to say my time at peace of mind . although it did make me turn to the cognitive therapy book and sort out what was on my mind .. and it worked . so to be fair not a bad day .. 

and to put things into perspective the picture of the planets and the ones of the universe were amazing .. so small and my problems well to be quite fair what problems .. yes i have them but others like poor Danial have a terrible time and i do truly feel for them ..