I guess as a theme the word might be failiure .. somehow deep down inside i feel that i am a failiure .. more to the poinit failing a degree .. and yet what are the facts .. two years of further education and what did i find .. a first year of success .. then something strange something that to this day i could not describe .. gone all gone like a paper chase .. in the wind .. to be honest i found the second year rather awful ..  being asked to understand something that my mind and heart balked at .. how could i go from one extreme to another from finding the themes almost childish to sinister in only a few months

 I began to understand that there were issues that once again went contrary to my belief mechansim . simple I recal seeing the horrific efforts that manufacturers would go to sell their products ..  the machine that encompassed everything .. from a soft drink that pressented itself like a kick in the teeth to adverts that quite litterally covered every base with brand brand brand .. the true nature of branding was brought to my attention in a way that i found shocking .  we seemed to be living in a wild west show .. a reality horror show .. where indeed nuclear power stations invited people in to see how things were done .. I had forgotten how i once had been one of those whilst all i had in my mind was the china syndrome .. i was  becoming the whistle blower .. and at 25 years old . this was a dangerous attiitude .. people were beginning to talk .. high minded i cared little for the truth living as i did in luxury ..

anyhow that is how i felt  i negated the world of commerce .. as evil .. demonic and it is only now that understand that i was seeing what others had seen .. and had come to the same conclusions . only with me somehow it all went wrong inside . largely because i embraced the horror of it .. and thus sealed my own fate  .. finding it all to be too much without reply in kind . creatively . that was the key .. i had nothing to reply with. no creative response .. none whatsoever . no touch of irony, no fertile imagination .. 

now however the phone has rung and i have had the most strange conversation .. Easter is nigh .. and to connect these two important strands of thought . that i found most peculiar .. the commercialism of Easter .. in particular or any Religious situation.. put simply Easter is all about the Moon . can you imagine and yet this has not got in the way of the marketing men .. commercialzing the whole crazy horror story that is the passion ..  and it is a horror story largley becuase of of money .. huge amounts involved in both Christmas and Easter .. holidays . and therefore shopping commerce and consumerism and technology . all based on these crazy beliefs .. by which men live and die .. 

percieviing this what can someone do .. ?

and so the whole show is a terror ..of propaganda .. yes dying once you understand that .. religion is natural .. a knee jerk reaction and anyone who finds this out will clutch at any straw that presents itself although to be fair there is always someone there to give you a hand .. across the river or whatever 

and now for the rest of the day

i woke feeling  Ok .. although this mood changed as i recalled the tooth situation .. a chip no less ruins ones rosey outlook . and so up i got and was swimming by 09.00 am 

a mile done and a sauna great .  nice to see Malcom and although i felt horrible we talked easily and warmly ..

and so onto work where i felt that i did a good job .. keeping  it simple and somehow this lifted my mood .. bumped into Russel and spent the afternoon at the allotment .. growing peppers .. and gambling on a warm Summer .. whilst planting a tree of some kind . passed the time with a fellow gardener ..and i was quetly pleased to discover that peppers do grow in this climate of ours 

i went home content .. and after a quick shop .. home and a phone call to Kevin .. about the boat race ..and Easter.. oh and the Moon . God bless

thanks to waking up . religious understanding  good food good luck good fortune to great spirits to meditation to mindfulness toys to phones to work to workmates to a roof over my head to all those who are aiding me in this troubled time to medicine to hobbies to exercise to Mind to being paid to clothes and shelter to money in the bank to shops to friends to family to sense and limbs to laughter tears comedy to music to the internet to fiilm to radio to teachers to fellow students to email to sleep to getting better .. to holiday weekends 

Posted by ecomill at 7:18 PM BST

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Mood:  a-ok

I guess that looking at the plot today had me in all sorts of ways .. so i guess having already taken on board the notion of composting and recycling finally I have began .. with my kitchen waste no less ..

and so all sorts of ideas came to mind .. finding neighbours to do the same .. and who knows .. also the idea of finding other people's waste .. work perhaps .. lots there .. at least 6 bags a week ..so good potential .. 

the allotment is looking bare and cold ..  and yet i needed to see .. with the camera .. so a few shots later i headed for home no Sheila however 

Posted by ecomill at 4:49 PM GMT

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Mood:  a-ok

the day began with the understanding that if i arrived before the rush i might just be ok .. so after shopping and breakfast .. i decided upon tai chi till 09.15 am or so . and as i am a runner i chose to run to the clinic . and meditate upon fear .. at the same time ..

the wait seemed eternal and the subject on the plasma tv was one of how the world s in a mess .. ecologically . various experts etc and i guess i sat there considering how to remain calm and still meditating upon fear ..

Nice to see Amanda who was as always very much herself . an all rounder ..

finally the nurse arrived and i walked in .. counting the steps .. a long corridor and there was her partner .. i said something under my breath .. almost unconscoiusly . something about being rich .. and the routine continued .. my weight .. my blood pressure and some blood .. all the while remaining calm and in good spirits .. the nurse said it .. fear .. and i said yes .. simple really .. just one of things

i walked home and after buying some more fish oil ..arrived back home by around 10.30 am .. i decided to take it easy ..and put on a recording of Krishnamurti . and lay relaxing for an hour listening  to a conversation whose topic was desire .. quite shocking some of it .. and after an hour was ready to a get on with the day

i suppose a midday meal was on my mind and so once i had had something lentils etc i was ready for the gardening .. walking along i felt quite like the pack animal .. loaded down with 2 cameras .. bag with a small trowel . A5 note sketch book etc and thus loaded i set off to the allotment 

it is about a 10 minute walk and i arrived around lunch time .. thanks to the kindness of Ahmud i had some broad beans to plant .. and so once finding my gear .. i was ready to go to work .. however fate was to take a hand .. and a voice shouted out .. i had been spotted and considered unwelcome .. the hood i imagine . and so had the pleasure of meeting another of the plot holders .. we talked and the poor girl was so taken she fell backwards quite heavily .. i helped her to ther feet and once i was sure that no bones broken i went on my way back to the plot where i planted the beans .. great ..

now that done and the plot well and truly full .. i changed and went on my way .. heeding the ladies advice as to all things such as the value of carpet .. for use in making sure the soil is not compacted by the weight of my 70 kilos .. and so with a view to a find ..i walked up the the tip ..and found myself enough carpet to  safely make 3 lanes upon my plot .. good thnkng for next year .. amaxing how far ahead one has to think ..

now having found this treasure i decided to finish up .. with a photo shoot .. and thus my walk about became a hunt for anything visually appealing .. and after a few minutes searching i came up trumps ..an old wood burner .. rusted and decayed .. caught my attention and so i spent some time getting the right shot .. beautiflul .. rust and a very lovely blue .. great texture ..

i left around mid afternoon .and walked home minus the trowel and glad of the photos .

once home i again gave myself 20 minutes and then went swimming .. nice to see Ahmud Heather etc .. and finished up around 05.30 pm 

more shopping with gain in mind and once done .. home and meditation whilst cooking .. considering the whole process the ingredients the rearing of the chicken the harvesting of the apples the lentils the raisons the transportion to my home town the cooking and the eating ..

so much undone .. nice to see Sarah . talked about work etc and  home made gifts .. and yet i was not quite all myself

and now  the day is done

thanks to waking up . good fortune to good luck .. fine overal health .. sense and limbs to laughter tears comedy to family to friends to work to work mates to hobbies to being paid to money in the bank to teachers to tv to radio to the internet to all those people who have my health as their concern .. to phones to music to teeth to hair to good neighbours to good landlords to meditation to exercise to saunas . 

Posted by ecomill at 7:28 PM GMT

Updated: Tuesday, 24 November 2009 7:35 PM GMT

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Mood:  don't ask

a mind of humility .. sees the answer to a problem .. well i imagine that seeing things this way ..  seems to me to guide me in my own life . to get involved is important . not to reject it or to accept the sorrows involved in it but to get to know the problem close up .. as it is from a distance that you are coming from to begin with .. once within one can then act and act with a more informed mind ..

now for me getting close has it's own natural barriers.. my own emotions and my inate fears hopes amibitons etc etc cloud the issue . and yet this is important for me . to recognize my own prejudice and go beyond all those reactions that i seem to have picked up through life .. 

and so from an inner sense i can move on . to the understanding  that i may do two things .. firstly to make sure that i am not over burdened by the problems involved .. accepting and not reject what i find .. like the psycho therapist who is both therapist and the one undergoing therapy .. 

this is important .. to retain one's sense of self in order to be able to be of use ..  to be involved but not overwhelmed

and so it seems that a sense of seriousness has overcome me .. and so to move forward i shall to describe my day 

It seems that today has had it's moments

I woke  late and considered the fact that i had a class to attend at 10.00 am .. i too had an inkling of a stomach ache .. brought on i fear by an under cooked salmon an yet i was merely not yet awake ..

i rose around 08.30 am or so and invested in an hour of tai chi .. once this was enjoyed i then felt that i might have a bite to eat .. and after shopping at the local supermarket i was ready to eat and have my morning medicine .. 

all being well i decided to attend the class ..

i sat comfortably and listened .. to the importance of helathy eating .. i felt safe and relaxed .. at ease .. listening to the class and only once had to resort to a break .. of more tai chi .. 5 mins and i was ok to carry on till the end . yes we as a class had the chance to make a healthy fruit drink ..

i was interested however in the effect of sugar however upon the human frame .. it seems to excite quite violently ..

i chose to have lunch and after more shopping i considered the importance of my pledge .. to retrieve my books boots tools and gardening bits and pieces from my neighbour's property a polly tunnel and find another home .. i expected a merely tempory arrangement .. and upon arrival and gathering together my things i sadly found little room anywhere else .. until  talked with Clyde .. whose dog i recal has the endearing quality of barking at his own reflection in the stream that passes beneath the area i call my plot .. 

we talked easily and i mentioned the situation .. and he replied that Sheila had mentioned it also .. he offered me a place in what i laughingly call my lot in life .. a portable loo .. problem solved .. and a few garlic cloves later .. honour had been satisfied .

i continued to dig over the plot and planted some more onions .. and whilst cleaning said tools came to talk again with another old timer .. i fetl a fool and carried on my way .. to search for some protection for my lettuce .. once done .. home

once 0400 had arrived i went swimming whilst considering my own sorrows neither accepting nor rejecting them .. but being with them . a long meditation turned my mind toward .. a more serious perspective ..

once i had done some more shopping .. i was ready to prepare a meal and by 05.40 i was sitting down to a meal .. that was rather enjoyable . chicken and veg ..

listening to some more serious internet audio .. a conversation between a chap called krisnamurti and a M Anderson who is great teacher in his own right .. i managed to feel that i had learned something from the day .. even if this was perhaps somewhat blinkered by my seriious attitiude . i might call myself ernest .in my approach .. and yet i have yet to attain any major sense of inner control an innner sense of self a serious inner nature ..  

 thanks to waking up .. to good food to shops to class to teachers Pauline and et al .. to mind and to work to work mates to hobbies to meditation to family to all those who are aiding me to good luck to good fortune to laughter tears comedy to good overal health to music to sense and limbs to good neighbours to good landlords to being paid to money in the bank to toys to internet to medicine to good spirits to a roof over my head to phones to teeth to hair to toilets to clients 

Posted by ecomill at 7:07 PM GMT

Updated: Monday, 9 November 2009 7:14 PM GMT

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Mood:  quizzical

oh so this day began late 10.00 am late .. and yet i dreamed .. and once tai chi .. shopping and breakfast were done .. so was the day .. or at least the morning ..  perhaps the voice of Krishnamurti being  interviewed was a boost however.upon both suffering sorrow and love .. great stuff

after lunch a quick affair some oily fish .. i was ready for the afternoon with Chris G ..  and so i suppose i shall venture there now .

we met around 02.30 pm and i was happy to go along to buy seed .. and once done we walked to the allotment and got down to it .. i found a plank of rotten wood and Chris went first .. we were off and running now .. and so we took turns to both dig and to supply the seed .. and you know what .. i felt a pang of fear .. as the inner chlld within saw that my partner had what i lacked .. seed .. yes all that stuff about male menapause came tumbling out .. he had the seed and all i had was a hole in the ground and a trowel .. we traded ..and then turned 180 degrees and did the other side .. we were getting on great guns .. and the frosty reception soon warmed .. into fighting talk .. on his behalf .. well letting him win but not easily .was my guess 

iotsheila appeared ..and we had a bit of a talk .. about personal space .. and the fact that i had used the poly tunnel as a space to lay my tools .. i was given the wagging off and so as a promise to myself and better half .. i promised to get it done .. if i find a large sheet of something i can use the metal oil drum for now .. the tools are rusty anyhow and the rest i can bring home and actualy read ..  the seed too can come home . i want my neighbours happy . nos one priority ..

 and now. home by 04.00 and more reading .. swimming from 1700 to 1800 and home by a little later .. hungry and thirsty . 

simple now thanks to waking up good food to good luck to good fortune to good overal health to teachers to good friends to hobbeis to the weekend to exercise to meditation to all those who are aiding me in this time of trouble to toys to phones to good spirits to medicine to sleep to sense and limbs to washing done to books to teeth shops to hair to good neighobours good landlords to help with living to work to workmates to being paid to clients to money in the bank family .. etc  

Posted by ecomill at 8:10 PM GMT

Updated: Sunday, 8 November 2009 8:19 PM GMT

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Mood:  irritated

I imagine that writing in any capacity is similar to therapy .. you speak and then you make sense .. once you have done so you evacuate ..

very much like going to the toilet .. 

now today i feel that i have neither felt comfortable or uncomfortable . yes this day has a whole new sense of itself .. work  rest and play ..

now to the details

reading about the wonders of the world fill me with an escapist sense of wonder and yet as soon as i consider my own future as part of this wonderful life .. i begin to feel very uncomfortable .. as if success involves something awful .. as Hannah once said .. not for for you much too hard .. 

story of my life .. and yes simply put ..as a friend said quit simply .. friends !! .. i recal that this seems to be my lot .. as long as i play dumb or be my rather affable self everything will be ok

and yet if i do strike out for what i want .. all hell breaks loose..  eat your breakfast like a good boy .. catch 22

so here is a viewoint of mine .. reading about astrological archeology makes me feel that this world is filled with those who value knowledge as a way to keep things as they are..  tidy  now that is not in itself bad .. church has a bad image problem and one that seems never to go away .. however for me .. all will be well after the work is done .. and yes it is true .. once i am gone as we will go eventually . i know that i will wake up as if from a dream .. and yes i seem to have dificulty in choosing a proper profession .. one that suits my temperament. something that involves beauty and clarity .. aiding others ..  i am not an artistic man .. deep down .. i know this to be true .. at least not in a classical sense of arts .. writing is called a craft and i suppose that i come closest to being comfortable when i am writing .. 

i have however a leaning towards mysteries. and a love of symbols and myth . heroes and deeds .. whilst having an emotional intelligence that sees the material benefit of assessing a situatioin .. diplomacy .. a certain wisdom and horse sense i guess life skills in general

anyhow now onto the day

woke late and felt great .. dreamed a little dream ..and went shopping for breakfast .. after tai chi  60 mins .. it was getting on so work soon took me to lunch time.. 

and after a brief read of passages of men's lives i was ready to go walking with Chris G .. a nice surprise .. winter  lettuce .. so off we went and spent the afternoon planting .. returning at 03.45 pm i was ready to rest . a wonderful feeling after a busy day 

once done swimming wenet well .. happy birthday Russel for tommorow

all souls day ..

and so after a sauna home and something to eat and something to read

ancient astrology .. and hebrew culture .. jewish culture .. all very invvolved .. still i do have qualms as you often find this sort of mythology among the rather more vivid parts of society .. taboo almost .

and a reminder to us special folk that slippery slopes are to be found everywhere .. the way is wide and full of stumbling blocks .. hidden spears some would say 

and so to tonight

Judith keeps in contact and  seems to be well .. the evening is going well .. a dark night .. however a peace has me still

thanks to waking up good overal health good fortune good luck to good spirits to sense and limbs to laughter tears to comedy to music to toys to friends to clients to work to work mates to the weekend to exercise to meditation to hobbies to good neighbours good landlords to family to teachers to all those people who are aidiing me in this troubled time to fellow students medicine to good food

Posted by ecomill at 8:55 PM GMT

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Mood:  a-ok

oh lord today began with a dim awareness of last night .. and to be  honest i was scared .. however i chose to go on and try new things .. some tai chi to begin 30 mins and then a walk to the allotment however the weather was rather wet and so i changed course .. instead i returned home and did some more tai chi another 30 mins and then a choice to go to work .. or to walk with some friends whom i have been away from ..

somehow through the last few weeks experience i was ok .. in mysef .. and i enjoyed the whole morning talking with Bob who is suffering terribly .. whilst Kim is always his usual self and somehow had a great deal to say upon the matter of photography . Guy was his self and i found it rather enjoyable attempting to wade through his way of speaking . to find the meaning in his words .. 

once back to Mind i settled down to work and afterwards found a book on grief and beravement . and was amazed to find that tis was what i was going through ... once done i went home

and found that the time had moved on a pace .. swimming  next and a sauna that took me to near on 02.10 and a meeting with mum ..  we met and had a fine time talking easily and without pain .. once again i went home and chose to continue the day at the allotment 

upon arriving i met Sheila . and we spent a pleasant afternoon working on our plots..  birthday March .. 

 managed to dig in the whole plot .. and found some black gold .. cleared the borders also ..  it seems that the chief issue of the moment is pest control . slugs and what not .. had an idea .. bird boxes . owls etc 

anyhow continued till before 05.45 and walked home feeling good ..shopping and tea ..

for what it's worth i feel relaxed and a bit sleepy 

content 

thanks to waking up to good fortune to good luck to good overal health to good spirits to good food to family to friends old and new to gardens to toys to teachers to internet to hobbies to laughter tears and to music to comedy to medicine to good neighbours to good landlords to all those who are aiding me in this troubled time to meditation to exercise to work to being paid to money in the bank to the safe keeping of everyone i know // to teeth to hair to books to fellow students to sense and limbs to art 

Posted by ecomill at 7:33 PM BST

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Mood:  don't ask

it  

i guess that today has felt like a huge step back . into the dark old days .. where i saw little of myself .. and understood even less .. youth has it's advantages .. but today is still even though i don't feel like it .  a step forward .. always forward .. no reverse ..

and i have discovered that there are many ways of being ok .. yes there are the rather interesting eastern methods .. yoga tai chi etc . whilst there are the rather more simple .. get in contact kind of method . so talking to a friend or even better a family member .. for me it is my brother .. well that and email .. a great network of friends .. all sending stuff .. the kind you look forward to ..  funny stuff .. things that break up the monotony of the day ..  life is like a box of chocolat you don't know what your're gonna get . that is the beauty of having friends and doing stuff .. sometimes it's the soft center sometimes that one with the pink stuff .. the one that get'syou asking why lord did they have to put that one amongst all those great tasting treats .. 

anyhow the weather is rather beautiful tonight .. post torrential rain scenario ..  blue sky .. racing clouds ..

got a call from by brother ..and we talked . i feel that somehow that i dont want to burden him .. yes at times .. you get a little wet blanket feeling .. well i guess that is ok .. i can wear it nowe  .. 

sometimes when things are going well .. on the surface like having admiriers say nice things about the things you do .. getting fan mail even .. this does not truly reflect how things are .. you might actually be feeling terrible .. truly awful .. and yet somehow the two states go hand in hand .. the outer and the innner .. the true and the false .. for me periods of apparant artistic success .. have coincided with depression and a feeling of loss and guilt .. and yet the world seems to be saying well done .. oh how it must be to be able to do those wonderful things .. however and this has only just this minute occured to me is that .. this is fertile soil in which to turn to creativity ..  strange fruit .. indeed . 

the last time this happened was the 9th of April .. and i promised to draw my way out of the hole that i found myself in .. and so every day . or as close to this as i could i drew a picture .. today .. is yet another  reminder that art can heal .. even though the fruits can be a little strange ..

thanks though to waking up this morning to good fortune good luck to good overal health to good food .. to medicine to all those who are aiding me in this time of troubled water .. to friends and to relatives to Teachers to college to Andrew and to fellow students to reiki to poems to toys to email to travel to laughter tears to comedy to music to hobbies to a roof over my head to sense and limb to gardening to music to shops to volunteer work to sleep to tai chi to qi qong to art to phones to peace of mind to work to workmates to peace of mind to mind to the food co op to bass guitars to drawing to photography to teeth to hair to yoga to new freinds to meditation to good neighbours to good landlords to help with living .. to books to comedy..to good weather to birthdays and to celebration . new arivals .. 

Posted by ecomill at 6:51 PM BST

Updated: Wednesday, 2 September 2009 8:15 PM BST

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Mood:  special

I am quite amazied at my own self sometimes .. i stopped to meditate for 20 mins and well what should occur .. a memory of a long time ago .. 20 years ago to be precise or there about..

I being an Englishman found Scotland to be .. interesting .. frustrating and beautiful ... i was lucky in that i met some very accomodating friends . who took me in .. so to speak .. and so i guess that i may have an insight into te average Scot .. 

yes it seems as if Scotland is quite different to Engand .. they have a vibrant spiritual life .. that is both wonderful and yet mystifying at the same time .. the land belongs to England ..and yet as with all things ..  the Scots have their ways .. religious intolerance is one .. and i guess that the divided is between Catholic and Protestant . sometimes the divide was so mystifying that it deserved the attentions of the monty pythion team .. and such films as the meaning of life .. Catholic sexual mores versus Protestand "freedom" .. i laughed at the promise of french ticklers .. however this divide runs deep .. into every pore of scottish culture ..  and yet once understood the whole place is rather wonderful .. 

the language is hard .. the conditions are bleak .. and i guess that this has brought out the best in everyone who has lived North of the border. 

 now for the day ..

i woke early around 07.00 AM and decided to go swimming .. good decision ... a long swim and a sauna till 09.00AM and out .. met Rachel who was rather fun .. remembered my name .. and not bad looking .. dark hair blue eyes . mnn 

and so onto breakfast and some tai chi afterwards ..another 60 mins .. and once i was done .. i slept till near on 11.40am .. ready afterwards for my appearance at Mind (work)

great to talk with Susie ..and yes i found all of m rcomy photos .. a bit of a funny turn around lunch time .. nothing much but something that coloured my afternoon .. 

went home around 0100 PM and had lunch plus a short meditation .. ready for the afternoon . picking fruit at St Martins .. much needed .. time out .. weather was wet .. and yet i was determined for the afternoon to go well .. nice to see Mike and Mark .. whom i had met some time ago .. a place called hestercombe gardens .. and so although three can sometimes be a crowd .. i enjoyed the afternoon and it brought out the best in all of us .. i believe .. nice to see Francis .. 

once back at base ..  i needed to get on .. so once everything was done and dusted i headed off home .. 

a quick shop and once home .. i spent a good while cleaning the flat .. and doing my laundry .. good feeling that .. clean sheets tonight .

and so once tea was out of the way .. there was nothing left but to attend to the making a record of the day .. simple.. !!!

one tip when feeling a bit down .. get to giving the whole place a good clean ..  gets rid of all that pent up energy and at the end you can see a big difference ..

 now to thanks 

waking up .. exercise and sauna .. to friiends . to meditation . good food . shops .. being paid . work hobbies .. voluntary work .. teachers  to all those who are helping me in this time of need .. to good luck to good fortune to good overal health to good spirits to sense and limbs to gardening to Mind to clients to Peace of Mind to family to laughter and to toys to phones to laundry done .. to travel to music to tears to comedy .. to good neighbors good landlords 

to medicine to tv radio to

sleep to

Posted by ecomill at 6:36 PM BST

Updated: Wednesday, 26 August 2009 6:52 PM BST

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Mood:  a-ok

why oh why do these webspace providers have to lie all the time .. 44 page views what a load of absolute nonsense ..  i guess that there might be a few 10 maybe or if i am lucky 11 well .. can you imagine that .. someone somewhere knows that flattery will get you everywhere .. well only if it is true 

didn't i hear that facts are the enemy of truth .. well data is even worse .. data like hits is the prima linga of bullshit .. have you ever come across ..   data or a poll that did not say something like 

 " 8 out of 10 people think that our product ie the one we are selling is a waste of time .. no of course not ... and yet it is ok for the compettitors to do so .. 8 out of 10 people love our competitors  brand of tripe ..  blah blah blah .. all this data / facts are the enemy of truth .. and when there are no facts .. there is data . 

gosh..

this blog is for me .. and i would prefer to know the truth .. it is an attempt at making sense of the world i live in .. the times that i live in and my state of mind on this day .. 

yes today has been a great day .. so here it is .. worts an all  

woke up at around 07.00 and pondered the day ahead .. and as 08.00 came round i suddenly realized that if i wanted a swim then this was the only time that i might be able to do so . and so from past 08.15 till 09.30 i was at the pool ..  merely a minute away .. 

from 09.30 onwards i went shopping and had some breakfast . making it a point to do some more tai chi till around 11.00 AM .. whereupon i felt that i could go to work .. more photography .. this time choosing images for the exhibition .. this lasted til lunch time .. with a decision to go with some old prints that Mind had already printed up .. i guess that i could always say no .. artistic hissy fit .. etc 

i managed to get home around 12.30 and relaxed till 01.15 .. and  then the best decision of the day .. fruit picking at St Martins .. i feel alive more alive than i have felt in years . the outdoor life suits me . and again by 04.00 it was all done ..

home and some reading ..history of rock .. digital age .. and something to eat .. another gastonomic success .. salmon al italiane 

now i am not saying that the day has been perfect .. no  and yet  i guess that i am happier ..

now to thanks

waking up good  food .. tai chi swimming meditation exercise yoga to friends to work to work mates . earning money . to more photography .hobbies to family good luck to good fortune to senses limbs to medicine to laughter tears ccomedy to music to good overal health good spirits to all those who are helping me now in this time of need .. to good neighbours to good landlords to teachers to travel to volunteering to gardens to toys to phones to email 

and to books to education .. 

funny thing though. i have found mysef watching Jam & jerusalem .. does this put me in the same catagory as that Grizzly Adams . man and bear .. well even if it is aimed at wait for it low income morons . the funny thing is that all that jargon .. sorry Pooh .. but Group D class . consumers .. labourers ..etc .. well now i guess we should all bow down to this advertising /marketing monster that obviously is slouching its way towards your screen any moment now ..

i love getting all important ever now and then .. this is what the web can do . you write as if you are an important news journalist and get all self rightous .. a bit like a radio DJ .. who has no idea if there is anyone listening .. but stil likes doing it ..

my day has been great even though largely wrong .. hence the data rant . I'm sure ..

funny all that business about marketing and advertising .. has cleared a space in my head .. something that therapy failed to do . i have qualified in pseudo science .. it was the A-moral bit that had me confused that was all 

i think that i shall go something more interesting instead .. now that was a program .. switch off your television and go do something more interesting instead .. any chance of a re run .. ? 

 it seems that i have started to turn into my father .. I hate lies .. all accept my own .. 

although being a liberal i accept that what appear to be untruth .can be for the overal good .. like not mentioning that fact that your best friend somewhat prone to exaggeration ..

 oh that music that program . Why Don't You .. for short 

Posted by ecomill at 6:47 PM BST

Updated: Wednesday, 19 August 2009 7:12 PM BST

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