dreamed of being in scotland ... at a pub that may have been named the Blue Lamp.. with a few scottish buddies . i recal playing a game with mysef . 2 rows of three squares .. with three separate square tiles to move forward . more like a puzzle than a game ..

i recal moving the one of the left . forwards and back  . i guess that one could call it scrabble mini scrabble .. yes only 2*3 making 6 squares 

and so on i recal Eddie and Mushy..  howevr apart from that... no one else 

the dream then moved onto another scene from the North . Aberdeen ..  and the granite city ..

..and so waiting in the car . on a winter's day .. i wondered at the reasoning for daylight saving time . waiting it seems for a check a pay check of £10.000.. for a few days work by my now long dead step father

thinking about Finland and how dark that must be etc

and  how people do care about others .

dreams

 To dream that you are playing games indicates that you need to take a break from your daily life. It is time to relax. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes the spirit of competition and the rules you live by. Consider the type of game you are playing for additional significance. 

To dream that you are in a pub represents your social interactions and how you relate to others. Sometimes you need to relax and let loose sometimes.

 Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, marriage cooperation, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. The world is seen as being made up of dualities and opposites, as in the male and female, mother and father, light and dark, heaven and hell, yin and yang, etc.

interesting that in the game there were 6 spaces . 2 * 3 .. = 6 then there was the single counter .. then in the following dream .£10 000  

 so we went from 6 spaces with a counter . then £10 000

 of course the 10.000 came from the film the big blue .. when the hero goes diving  .. $10 000 .. 

the game perhaps was from when i mentioned that a kangaroo can only  move forward ..

One stands for individuality, autonomy, leadership, originality, confidence and the ego. To be number one means that you are a winner and the best. Alternatively, one signifies solitude or loneliness. It also stands for a higher spiritual force

both dreams in aberdeen . or 1, 2 5 9 4 5 5 5 ..  9

 and so the question of inspiration and peace arise 

Nine denotes completion, closure, rebirth, inspiration, and reformation. You are on a productive path, seeking to improve the world. The number nine also symbolizes longevity.

Zero symbolizes nothingness and emptiness. You are experiencing a void in your life. The symbol may also share the same significance as a circle and thus denotes infinity, eternity, completeness, absolute freedom and holiness. Alternatively, the dream forewarns that you are going around in circles and headed nowhere. Perhaps your actions have been counterproductive. It also represents timelessness and the super-conscious.

To see or win money in your dream indicates that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money represents confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is a common symbol for sexuality and power. In particular, finding money indicates your quest for love or for power.

To see your paycheck in your dream, symbolizes the results of your hard work and the fruits of your labor. It is an indication of your level of confidence and strength. The dream also serves as encouragement and motivation for you to continue working hard. You will be rewarded for your efforts. Consider the amount on the check. If it is higher than expected, then it means that you are being well rewarded. If it is lower than expected, then you are being undervalued. It may also refer to money worries and your concerns about making ends meet. Perhaps you are lacking confidence and suffering from low self-esteem. You are unsure about your work performance.

To see your father in your dream symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father and how aspects of his character may be incorporated within yourself.

To dream about time indicates your fears of not being able to cope with the pressures and stresses of everyday life.

To see a lamp in your dream, symbolizes guidance, hope, inspiration, enlightenment and reassurance. If the lamp is dimly lit or unlit, then it suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotional issues. You have lost your ability to find your own way or see things clearly.

Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions, and vibes Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind. Alternatively, the color blue may also be a metaphor for "being blue" and feeling sad. 

 To dream of the government signifies power and the qualities or feelings that rule your life. Do greed, lust, or love guide you in how you live? The dream may also reflect your views about society at large.

To see or do a jigsaw puzzle in your dream represents a mental challenge or problem that you need to solve in your waking life. If there are pieces missing in the puzzle, then it suggest that you do not have all the facts needed to make an informed decision. 

To see or do a crossword puzzle in your dream suggests that you are being faced with a mental challenge. The dream may be a pun on "cross words" directed at you or aimed toward someone.

it seems that one strand of the dream sequence was

power . .. father ..  protection . inspiration ..

and so onto a few images and iconography

lady gagga .. love game gabriel games without frontiers ..

hendrix and red hot chillie peppers . mushy and eddie ..  

joni mitchel blue 

10 000 maniacs the  night

life in a northern town..  dream academy..

daylight saving living daylights ah ha

 one of those same way forward as back.. 

 lenny kravitz i'll be waiting

To dream that you are waiting is indicative of issues of power/control and feelings of dependence/independence, especially in a relationship. Consider how you feel in the dream while you were waiting.  If you are patient, then you know things will happen at their own pace

Posted by ecomill at 11:31 AM GMT

Updated: Wednesday, 14 December 2011 1:19 PM GMT

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ok so another day .. & something that requires some attention .why is that after a great sleep . restful & easy does the day go down hill rapidly .. even after a good breakfast and yoga lasting an hour . does my mood etc plus mental state seem to dip .. this goes on till into the early afternoon.. only after a swim does my day improve .. & even then sometimes not .. 

no dreams today . only a  very good night sleep .

the medicine seems to have gotten a hold on me ..

the niacin flush effect is on full blast ..my head feels like it is going to explode 

however i imagine that this is taking my attention away from the anguish that i feel at present ..

however i eat soon ..  however . once more . does a diet without sugar .. or should i say refined sugar . how is this aiding me 

well that & a certain lack of gluten and wheat . milk etc . well once again ... it is difficult to decide whether these counter measures are helping me win the battle .

and so lunchtime arrives . and one more important note  timing the meals i eat

lunch at 12.30 pm . tea .. at 05.30pm . and a few snacks in between

whilst breakfast takes shape at whatever time i wake up . today .just before 09.00am

these timings are important . as to the state of my health . keeping these is valuabe.. as the body needs to know ..i guess when to expect food . a little like Pavlov 

 and so to today .. woke earlier than usual . 08.30am . breakfast and .. work done at Mind ..  that once more went well .. 

cleaning a place up is at times fascinating . as to the habits of various people .. and the strange things that occur in the kitchen .nice to finish & home to some yoga .. now to be honest . yoga does not make my life any easier . although once more i have to ask why do i feel worse afterwards .

anyway .. after some more shopping i was ready to blog . & this takes off the edge .. of my emotiona and mental state ..

cooking a meal now . chicken . green beans potato 

  & so the band played on .

reminiscing about heroes . david sylvian .for me . all time great however would have to be someone who created a genre ..bowie perhaps .. however japan were a greiat band .. creating a new sound ... synth . & rock . art . rock as far as the look went . plenty of makeup .. however oil on canvas was a great album for me as the  music done live was rather beautiful .. never again did i hear that from any live album . of course a close second is stop making sense .. i certainly recal getting home to listen and being a little underwhelmed . however the album is a classic . superb . in my opnion more art rock . the suit getting bigger and bigger 

wow

 and so on to the rest of the weekend .. after lunch .. sharp... 12.30pm . a good chance to swim once more . 01.00pm till 02.00pm . yet more mileage. 4 miles done so far .. 

and once more done without incident ..

nice to see Bridget & son . whose A levels are doing nicely . almost over in fact .. i guess that i had a brief reminiscience of what it was to be young again .. coolness in the breeze .. a tremendous sense of freedom .. happiness ..

 and so from swimming preparation .. seeing mum at 03.00pm . & so as a taster went to the allotment . where i stayed a while . talking with Rod.. who had this story .. it seems as if his strawberries have been stolen and the people responsible have dumped them instead of eating .. they have thrown them in his compost bin .. 

we talked till 02.45 pm and i made my way home arriving at 03.00pm

taking it easy . met Mum & i guess that i am feeling stronger . talked about things . her health heart stuff . medicine and my experiences . stories etc . normal stuff . normal life & yet once we were walking out of the cafe .. i felt that spark of ice.. and to be honest could see that my mum was cold . The Arctic had set into my mum her being over 60 years old .. 

I seemed to carry this with me to a friend .. Lorna who is a friend and  as talked i felt ok . however ..still not right .. whilst Lorna is living in some world of her own ..  survival  .. talk of storing food ..in cellars .. etc etc

and there was i .. still drinking in the vapours of the public house .. slightly warped i would say .. gaiety & celebration .. and all that . made me realize the time .. and so spent the time taking more photos .. three eggs . made into a strange kind of space. enclosed in wood .

however the world began to filter in .. people and their world .. talk talk talk .. getting into my head .. no more film

 shopping for food .. home  and a read . something to eat . stories are good for the soul .. sci fi  stories sometimes . 

and so onto the latter part of the day .

a strange foreboding has come upon me . i ate at 05.40pm and read a little afterwards  yet i was uncomfortable .

I feel different . less sure of myself . and yet the day is the same . weather . !! that is it ..

i looks like a thunder storm is due .. the heat is too much to bear . yet the wind is doing it's best to cool the land

no thoughts . only a feeling .. perhaps this is it . a pressure ... like i have not felt for some time

dull day .. grey . very yin like .. & yet the wind blows ..

i feel like dropping into the ocean .. yet i wait . waiting turns to longing .. desire .. I wait for the world to rain ..to soak . to splash . to  wash the dust out from out of my eyes .. my bones .. to cool my skin to settle matters . between heaven and earth . i wait . whilst the world turns .. & yet there is no rain . only the wind that blows .. drying desicatting the soil .. making sound  

 and so we listen . to the wind ..the gentle rumble of distant movement.. wishing for rain.. longing .. disparing of the world .. settling into a twilight . of endless loss .. loss of what has been made present . soon to be cast aside into a billion rivers ... hope . flashes . & is distinguished by a hopelessness that is the silence of all around . only the sound of the wind ..eddies . penetrate . sources of obscure sensation . coming and going . merging into the sound of the heat . that burns slow and quick .. torpor .. we begin to fall .begin to wilt . like a palm .. waxing leaves . shelter obscure .. images of rain . longing to glimps those thick and ready drops .. that memory gives to the eyes . rain . drops . rain drops .. rain drops down ..upon the window pane.. bristling drawing gravity to reveal itself ..

and so the day begins to .. to turn to later things .. food has a way with settling minds .. stomachs too .. and so to the impromptu . thanks to

waking up .  good fortune . good luck to great overal health to good spirits to family to friends to people like Lorna to shops to laughter to tears to music to comedy to medicine to good neighbours to good landlords to work mates to work to being paid to money in the bank. to hobbies to food clothing shelter to religion to books to sense and limbs to rent paid to phones to toys to fellow students to fellow yogis . to teachers to the albemarle center staplegrove hall to the weekend to tv radio etc to the internet . to Mum today . 

to Holly . to good weather to rain . if and when it arrives  

Posted by ecomill at 12:13 PM BST

Updated: Saturday, 4 June 2011 6:39 PM BST

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the greeks had a time of it ..and today my own afternoon had it's moments too .. where couy ld i go to .. what to do .. "beanz nothing but a whole lot of beans" .. and yet honest emotional honesty showed itself today. facing the facts .. my own demise .. "my bags are packed" i said ..and yet this realization of my own mortality was merely only another quick fix. this world holds more terrors than mere dying . if that was not enough .

so seeing Mum and Sussanah was not how i hoped it would be . firstly there was the beanz thing .. and it was all i could do to stop the almost knee jerk reaction in my pants ..  crowds do that  to me sometimes .. and so we were off to a good start .. i filled past the coffees and teas .. feeling dejected and the son that i might have been so many years ago ..  Mum i felt disowned me .. my daughter and muffled mumbling him .. 

we sat and i felt on fire .. hyped up .. tense and nervous .. i recognized Bill in the corner of my eye .. and knew that the next few minutes were going to be difficult .. the women talked of work and i tried to remain calm .. in control .. confident ..but all i could feel was that awful accusing finger of .. you are the lowest of the low . and yes i felt one inch tall .. trying to remain afloat .. and yes we talked until Bill 19 stone Bill dressed in his football strip strolled over .. our eyes met and all i could see this smile .. and all i could think of was to include him . bring him into our little family .. i cant recal what i said apart from this is my family .. and all the while wondering what we were doing staring like we were .. i said that i had been to work and he said so had he .. what was i to say .. i felt exposed and very small .. 

he took his leave and then i mentioned that i needed to make a few adjustments to my esate .. and then we began  to talk about mental health . Sussannah and I .. and i felt sad that although i could talk about how i too had problems i could only skim over the real stuff .. and yet there and then i had shown my attachement to three things or maybe more .. to my family and to work and to some strange bond that this Man whom i know very little about and myself have .. 

yes there was i almost throwing my family in his face .. with a flourish and yes that i work where people go to in order to emotionally learn .. where only that morning i had run it through my head that .. i work not only for a charity but also a place where people no longer play an active part /role in society  ..

so i guess my attachments were exposed .. family work and sickness .. he this person has a similar diagnosis as myself .. and  i am attached to that fact whether or not i like it or not.. for what was i going to do . tell him to sling his hook .. always aware that he might quite simply ... expose me .. and that in my own mind was done as soon as i saw him .. 

and now for the behaviour that sorts things out .. being an adult .. we talked about work and somehow i calmed down ..

and yes we all ended up laughing .. exposed for all we were .. what else could happen

I said my  good byes .. and went shopping .  and once home i knew that i had to act .i recalled chopping wood ..as a defence to all kinds of mental strife .. and so i went for a run .. 25 mins and somehow my thought patterns came round to preparation for the future .. what to do next time ? and yes what to do 

so all that is now done ..i can recal the day in full 

i woke early at 07.30 am and after shopping and tai chi i was ready to work .. somehow i stayed over at mind till 10.00 am .. chatted with Bethan and Andrew was on form ..  he liked my photos .. the cars .. 

and once again i was struck .. by the simple fact that i just did not care . nice to know .

what other people think of my work does not interest me .. and yet what does .. my job .. looking after the Mind building that is what i would like to be known for ..  

my photos are elegant and some find them interesting .. and yet again i am reminded of the times when i have had positive feedback and it hadn't meant a thing . i was suffering too much to care

today was a work day /morning and that  was good enough for me

after arrving home and writiing about various dreams etc i made it my habit to rest till early afternoon .. and so lunch time arrvied and i went swimming ..enjoying a sauna afterwards ..

at gone 03.30 pm i went to meet mum and Sussannah .. and waited until i began to wonder .. 

we finaly met at around 04.15 or so and the rest is just a whole pile  of beans ..  

now i'm feeling down and teatiime is beginning to affect my judgement .. time to eat .

thanks to waking up .. to good food to good luck to good fortune to good overal health to work to work mates to being paid to clients to Mind to exercise to meditation 25 mins today .. to all those who are aiding me in this time of trouble to hobbies to medicine to friends to a roof over my head to toys to sense and limbs to shops to sleep to good neighbours to my my home town to hair and teeth to good shoes and clothes to aftershave to being clean shaven to laughter tears comedy to music to tv radio .. etc 

Posted by ecomill at 6:28 PM GMT

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Mood:  not sure

ok so this is where i think my thoughts and see them as they are merely that .. like falling leaves that once fallen you can see their beautful shape .. the evening is calm .. and i suppose my idea .. well we all have them .. i have to admit that this one may be somewhat toffee nosed ..

a website called The Old School Tie  TOdST nice picture of some toast .. mnnn tasty .the idea being that ths sight is a place where kit can be swapped . ties rugby shirts etc .. so if you have an old school tie .. and you want to swap or buy  then  this is the place . 

simple ..  

now for some other news .. 

i guess i am allowed a brief rest .. and so today has seen me rest

woke  early and after
tai chi for an hour i went shopping and to work .. till 10.00 am felt good to be honest ..and had a very interesting chat about music . Bethen is quite sweet and plays the cello .. and some piano .. i hoped that she might find the hunger an interesting movie ..especiialy a movie with the soundtrack . Ravel etc Bach .. Brahms i believe such a great movie

and so once free i went home and spent some hours looking at sites for money making 

i had a nap around 11.45 and woke around 12.30 PM .. lunch and some bass guitar practice .. with drums .. 

till rather late .. some swimming to follow and sauna till past 04.00..and home once more

phoned to  enquire about a website course and after more shopping .. the evening awaited .. photographing and blogging

 thanks to waking up to good food good luck to good fortune to work to work mates to being paid to money in the bank to medicine to good overal health to family to friends to toys to hobbies to sense limbs to everyone i know those who are aiding me in this troubled time to laughter tears to comedy to music to tv radio to teachers to books to gardens phones 

Posted by ecomill at 7:53 PM BST

Updated: Friday, 25 September 2009 7:58 PM BST

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Mood:  d'oh

Watching a movie trailer for me is a major act ..not done ... just not a part of my routine .. no tv .. no radio .. just a linux based mini computer .. weighs less than 200 cigarettes ..  i don' t smoke ..

i see the world.. via my own senses ..

today i woke up .

see now that is what watching a few movie trailers can do to your perception of the world . twenty mins of movie ..  rapid loss of humour .. viewing .. 

makes me wonder ..

i woke early this morning .. not as early as some but early enough .. 07.25AM 

and after tai chi i was ready ..

I have a suggestion .. after one or two readings you can i imagine ..  work out my every day .

 there are some simple pointers .. a bit like going to the bathroom .. you do this every day .. you eat every day .. i have a very simple routine .

after spending say 40 mins ini slow motion i was ready for work ..and i guess this part of my day went without difficulty .  i was done by mid morning and because it is the week . i have a snooze till past 12.00PM and after .. lunch .. 

the afternoon was simple .. a swim and sauna .. till  mid afternoon ..and then a drawing session .. ok so i also keep my brain in good shape with a nintendo DS brain trainer .. getting on now a year .. come August..

running again  also ..altveer hough i am

not a tri athlete . somehow managed about 50 mins or so .. hot weather ... 

the amazing thing to my mind . is this whole busiiness of actors and Hollywood .. how do these people manage to do the things that they do . 

i guess that i am old enough to understand that there is a certain  predisposition amongst people to do the things they do .. some people are just good at doing a lot of things .. some can pick up a racket and bang there they go .. Wimbledon etc etc .. 

i guess that Hollywood attracts the best in acting and movie making terms like say London does with financial matters ..

some times luck good old fashioned luck intervenes .  not wishing to play rugby moved me to get involved in fencing .. something i am both proud of and a times wonder .. if i had had that will to win .. at al costs .. winning yes .. but at all costs .. for me no ..  why . because . for 5 yrs a youngster goes through the greatest of change .. the highest amount of pressure.. from all sides .. 

sport . preparation for life .. school work .. sexual maturation .. you name it .. from the age of 13/14 onwards to 18/19 yrs the world changes .. 

and going back to my point .. what sets people like a top movie actor apart from others in their own field .. is it how far they will go to achieve their goals.. or is it that they have that star quality.. 

well in my own experience .. hard work and taking the knocks .. yes doing what you do well helps .. training helps .. enjoying every minute helps .and i guess that is what happened .. you do it until something else comes along that you enjoy more .. so beating a top school feels great .. no names .. beating the top seed .. feels great .. getting to finals feels good .. getting beat is in a weird way not all that bad.. most of the time anyhow .. i say this only because t is still the game you play that is enjoyable .. and yet what made me stop ..  perhaps it was the same reason that my sister had .. that move from junior to senior .. her pony was great . her riding was magical in that it was something that she had done since she could walk . .. and yet .. senors meant .. investment .. and some names in the sprt that i could recal seeing on our TV .. 

well maybe it was that .. or that once you reach a certain age .. other things start to be more attractive .. and the old toys get forgotten .. like Woody and Buuzz lightyear ..

for me it was simple . there was always an exit clause .. fencing is not an A rated event .. and to be honest .. rugby hockey tennis you name it came before us .. and so i had to rely upon my own sense of self .. to get me through the shower of opinion .. and yes i was also bright .. and yes i was also extremely shy and lacking in any self confidence .. this i guess won the day in the final analysis .. style over substance. love econquers arce ll they say .. and with that i entered the world rather ill equipt incredibly immature .. and vulnerable . forgetting my strengths .. and playing other people's games .. badly ..  

what makes a young man drop what is good for him and take up that which will see him crushed assunder . popular .. to be accepted sometimes is a force so strong that everything is lost in oder to gain one moment of happiness ..

it is the reason why being blonde was adopted by a vast number of american women  as soon as the technology was available .

it is why we live lives of silent desparation .. because somehow we are not accepted on our own terms .. for our strengths .acceptance comes at a price .. self so .. 

i guess that is why there are so few icons .. they fit the contempory mould . but i'm guessing .. 

thanks to waking up good luck good fortune good overal health to sport . to all those who are aiding me in my time now .. to gardens to toys hobbies to laughter tears comedy music to meditation to reiki to saunas to sense limbs etc to friends to being sober to being single to family to 

and to medicine 

Posted by ecomill at 7:32 PM BST

Updated: Friday, 3 July 2009 7:58 PM BST

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Mood:  smelly

what a day health wise .. and i guess if you face the fear .. it passes ..

woke early and went swimming for an hour or so 50 mins and a sauna .. till past 09.00 .. great !! and after well .. home and breakfast .and yoga for 20 mins or so .. great . now to be fair a bit of me wanted to draw ..and yet . i stayed in and did some reiki till i fell asleep . waking late .and yes i spent an hour on my nintendo ds .. adding etc etc .. great .. a meditation and lunch and ready for tai chi at 01.30 PM .. feeling somewhat **** i found somehow that this passed and the afternoon was a breeze .. 

I did not leave Andrew and all till 05.00 and the  day by then was glorious .. sunshine etc ..

i went home sorted out something to eat and watched the dictator .. woow funny and scarry .. 1940 what a performance ..

now to tonight well how about preparation for tomorrow . work etc 11 June .. only 10 days to father's day 21 June .. mid summer . sunny weather

anyhow good weather now  

yes i had a whole heap of stuff to say about immigrants ..and yet  it has been said many times before ..and anyhow Charlie Chaplin said it better . the dictator . what a tool ..

now to more important matters .. 

waking up good luck good fortune good health .. mental physical and great spirits .. to laughter tears and  comedy music etc to good neighbours good landlords to exercise .. to good food to help with living rent paid etc to all those who are helping me now . to teachers Richard Andtrew Rose Ahmud .. etc and toys and phones to gardens .. to family to friends to work to workmates to shops to hobbies to sense and limbs to sobriety reiki .. and meditaiton to college 

and now rest  

Posted by ecomill at 7:05 PM BST

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Mood:  a-ok

another perfect day .. without the zoo .. and the film .. oh and work .. ah cant have everything ..  still .. that's the holidays for you ..

I woke early and somehow managed to lie in ..  after  shopping for breakfast and tai chi the day was looking more of a contender .. i believe the meditation did the trick .. watching the clock tick till 12.00 or so ..so lunch and the best bit .. elections coming up  and so off i went handing out leaftlets .. tilll 03 00 i still don't believe that i spent the afternoon hot and at risk of sunburn stuffing leaflets through letterboxes .mnn 

and after well a sauna and swim .. and more work .. till 05.00 hrs great though to be your own boss waand a nice surprise .. bumping into Bob and Lyne .. getting to talk .. and so by near on 06.00 something to eat ..

a little radio with Dudd and Pete .. or vice versa .. very funny ..

the sun is still shining and i have managed to do some drawing .. . and i have a little apple juice left .. 

thanks to all those who are there to help me now .. to good luck good fortune . great spirits rent paid work and payment customers good overal health .and to hobbies holidays laughter tears comedy and music to yoga tai chi and exercise to a roof over my head to sense limbs etc to skills to teachers Andrew Richard Rose Ahmud . to friends and family to good neighbours good landlords to gardens to teeth shops to help with living to sober non smoker single to good food waking up . vitamins and medicine .. 

Posted by ecomill at 6:58 PM BST

Updated: Monday, 25 May 2009 7:00 PM BST

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Mood:  blue

to tell you the truth . i am always somewhat perplexed by these sorts of days . cold but only if you consider any form of central heating .. grey yes and bright perhaps that is it .. a grey day in late March .. i guess that it is this grey oppressive weather .. i feel that oddity of confused emotions .. and yes weather of any kind can be worrying .. used as i am to the indoors .. yes are days of sun and even brighter weather where friends come together and you recal loving and pleasant company .. and yet on the whole .. most weather in itself is awful .. if you are alone ..

i sit here  now feeling better for being able to describe this to you to myself .. my frame of mind my state of conciousness .. well one thing is for sure . Jane was there at the dance and i did not go .. i did not think .. and now what .. well Monday is all but gone .. and i have so much to do .. 

i woke early and was up quickly .. practicing my tai chi by  07.10AM great and yet somehow i mislaid the keys to work and fussed for  most of the day .. only discovering them after lunch .. i would like to say that the day was not quite ruined however my peace of mind was certainly aggitated somewhat .. anyhow here is the rest of the day recounted .. 

07.00AM woke ..

07.10AM tai chi .. till past 08.10AM ..

no keys panic .. everybody .. arrived at work by 08.45AM

and took things easy .. till 10.00AM and yoga .. this went well .. i don't know comfortable talked with Sylvia about her daughter nos 2 .. not Rachel but another who lives in Ivybridge of all places . i listened .. breast cancer .. that makes 2 now . Sylvia is upset .. and the rest well everyone seemed ok.. nice to see Fran and Jo .. talked with Jo afterwards .. about the dance on Saturday .. went well .. Jane was there . and now i wish that i had gone .. too 

i returned home and did some more searching .. nothing .. returned to peace of mind .. where i spent the time helping out moving shifting etc .. Jo was feeling out of sorts and i hope that my words helped her . in any way .. nice to be of service .. making coffee .. making tea .. well .. we sorted the office furniture  and we sorted the boxes .. no more cardboard clutter .. nice to meet Chris and i did finally manage some cognitive therapy .. exercises .. funny though .. i recalled that i had left the oven on .. potato cooked .. and ran home .. felt good though .. running felt easy .. natural even .. and i made it home for a smal lunch .. cooked to perfection .. although perfection ranks high on my problem area .. that and a few other things .. anyhow . after .. a discovery .. the keys .. and so i returned to peace of mind and  well picked up afew things and went swimming .. for a while .. yes it was nice to see .. Luke and Simon .. i wondered what stephany would look like nude .. yes quite wonderful .. and after 35 mins of swimming plus sauna i had had enough of the pool .. a stroke of luck .. Sarah . .. !!! and child .. and i made it my business to make a fuss over the tiny tots mum Sarah has the most beautiful eyes .. green perhaps .. and yet hazel . but not enough to be . fascinating .. how the light plays on them .. quite stunning .. and yes .. they had returned from Ealing .. Broadway.. well always a pleasure to see a friend .. and yes i mentioned the  article i had read in the Guardian well .. i hope that have heaped enough praise on the girl .. infront of her baby .. very important that .. reading Mars and Venus .. men and woman etc ..  and of course Sarah mentioned the swimming .. and knew that i also practiced tia chi and so i guess or imagine that i am an open book now .. Sarah was very kind saying that physical exercise is important .. and i found myself after a pause . agreeing .. funny how i had perhaps felt that i was doing too much in that sphere .. spoilt .. and yet always a good thing to have people support you in what you are trying to achieve ..

home and bass guitar till 05.30PM went well . read some more . nearly fiinished .. Excession  ... i did do some javascrpt study and yes i wonder at the usefulness of the exercise .. doubting again my ability . surely the RAF would have picked up on this a long time ago .. photos well i never .. seems too easy .. and yet everyone has one .. an art form that is so popular .. too popular  

and yes what now ..

tea . time and thanks

good luck good fortune .. waking up .. good overal health .. both mental and physical .. strong spirits .. work and being paid to good food breakfast lunch and dinner to work mates and to yoga  exercise and saunas to toys and email to sense and limb to the internet to learning and books to teachers Rose Andrew and everyone who is aiding me now in my recovery to therapy of sorts to a roof over my head to rent paid to good landlords to good neighours to being single sober and a non smoker to books to gardens to laughter tears and music to comedy to family to friends to shopping to sleep 

Posted by ecomill at 6:45 PM BST

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Mood:  hungry

i woke and started to consider the day and what it might bring .. what part i might play .. within it's 24 hrs .. i decided upon applying a social slant upon things .. and started my tai chi an hour or so of easy movements . and so once dressed cleansed and otherwise ready i made off towards the peace of mind building arriving around  09.35AM .. the morning went well we walked and chatted .. i concentrated upon the package .. and had what could be thought of as a nice time

i arrived back home at 01.00PM and went for a sauna  till 02.00PM and somehow was ready for work for around 03.00PM where i stayed till past 04.00PM chatting with Mark of all people .. so far so good .. a chip supper at around 05.30PM and a good read till now well what more could i want !

and now thanks .. to waking up good luck good fortune and great overall health .. good spirits and toys lots of toys and maybe a rest from the routine .. friends and good food ..safe keeping and a roof over my head to the internet and to email to books and teachers Andrew Rose to the weekend to work and to  being paid to gardens to exercise and yoga to saunas to travel to education to hobbies to sleep and rest to good neighbours and to good landlords.. laughter and tears to comedy and to musc . to senses and to limbs to shops to help with living and rent paid too

and now that is it .. venturing out to buy milk .. still raining hard at times .. even in the sunshine .. not so bad today .. plenty of rest though much needed  

will contact Anthony and Mum tonght .. clocks spring forward so although it means little to me .. happy summer time ..

Posted by ecomill at 7:57 PM BST

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Mood:  hungry

 funny how fine weather makes me feel like a have left something undone .. the sun is saying beautful day and i wonder what on earth it is all about .. looking out over the town .. the whole thing shouts holiday somewhere like Spain and then i see where i am home .. Taunton and holiday thoughts soon fade away . the climate confuses me .. as i spend most of the time indoors .. away from people who spend their lives outside .. t anned types who look after trees or roads and drunks etc .. not forgetting younsters teenagers who have still to believe that sunshine equates happiness .. anyhow the  sun is shining and the day is not yet done . i woke up this morning around 08.00AM and went shopping for breakfast that done nice deal on grapes .. i carried on with some tai chi and yoga lasting around 75 mins .. till i was ready to go out to a mens group . run by the peace of mind people .. sun still shining !! and had some fun till 12.30PM whereupon i then found time to go swimming and enjoy a sauna . till around 03.00PM .. now to be honest no Heather unfortunately however the swim went well and i did meet Nikki .. who let  me into a secret about techinique .. i now swim at around 21 hstrokes instead of over 30 plus .. that is what i got for listening .. that and to take things easy . 

 i finished up and went home where i got down to some studying .. more css and a breakthrough .. my navigation bar looks great .. all with a simple click .. yes getting the class right and in the right place acting upon the correct tag and with the right other descendants .. however my bar looks good and so i carried on in good cheer .. discovering how to create hover techiniques that mimic mouseover javascript .. great for highlights .. and so that was good enough for me .. and i finished up at around 04.00PM whereupon i went out for a walk and enjoyed the sunshine for a while .. returnig i practiced a little bass guitar .. and again found myelf wondering why .. no passion it seemed .. and so i settld down to some reading .. excession is quite mad .. and yes the story is all coming together now .. 

it's now past  05.10PM and i am thirsty .. weak almost with the need for something fruit or something wet .. i might even say a pint .. and yet i know that that is something to be avoided with yoga on some minutes .. 

i seem to be only happy or confident when writing .. blogging .. and yet well .. at least i am well in myself .. spiritually and emotionally and mentally to a large degree .. well here is to some more meditation and something to drink .. 

thanks will come later .. but for now .. here is to good luck good fortune and to great overal health .. to all those who have jelped me in my time of need .. and to waking up to such a wonderful day ..to tai chi yoga to teachers Andrew Rose and to good neighbours good landlords to the internet to toys to phones to friends and hobbies to email to nintendo DS to laughter comedy music to love to tears to radio to tv to being sober  a non smoker to being single to help with living to rent paid to warm sunny days to fellow yogis to books to learning to swimming training etc to saunas to senses limbs to sleep to medicine to vitamins to the albemarle center to teeth and hair to good mental health great spirits to great physical wellbeing to skills learned . to the safety of all . 

Posted by ecomill at 6:15 PM BST

Updated: Wednesday, 18 March 2009 9:12 PM BST

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