Mood:  special

a lucky streak .. followed my star so to speak and bumped into a few good friends .. made up with PT ..and was very pleased to see Nagib .. who looks more and more dapper every time i see him .. now that is what i call a successful experiment .. good times easy going . nice atmoshere . to the moon and venus .ah lovely

now i guess that todya has been an interesting day .

i woke and recorded my dream .. and considered the day ahead .. breakfast and an hour of tai chi took me to mid morning .. 10.30 am .. now from there i spent some time writing up the night before .. and after some reading .. i decided upon an easy day .. a holiday ..   

Mind was quiet .. and it was rather a lot of fun . chatting etc .. again easy whilst i feel that i am growing into a whole new me a better me somehow more real more honest more empathy all round .. i left for lunch finaly and spent the afternoon digging and pottering around .. finishing around 03.30 pm .. swimming by 04.00 pm and that was busy .. sauna etc .. felt good for it 

early evening was spent explaining the situation concerning the photos taken for the book on bees and home on the net .. research and yes this last ecperiment .. that turned out pretty well ..

now i may have some time before Yoga .. to twitter perhaps and to do some more  surfing .. that reminds me talking to Chrstopher  brought about a slight sight problem that i have .. and somehow i reacted well .. my guess is that one gets confused when to make eye contact .. largely because on the street .. eye contact is seen as something different to a middle class same scene scenario .. the two are mutually exclusive .. and thus cause me problems .. inappropriate eye contact .can cause .. some problems .. mainly in the color specturm  i call the symptom blue eye . where you sometimes see a blue screen effect .. on the eyes .. not a problem .. and today somehow i reacted straight way .. to rectify the situation . causing me less discomfort .. 

this has been my day .. simple

morning tai chi meditation and a visit to some friends ...

afternoon gardening and swimming sauna

evening blogging .. and a brief experiment in astrology where i was forunate to meet some people that i would prefer to keep close and one whom i would like to see more often . as he is going through a tough time . 

tonight some yoga and rest .. more twittering i guess  

Posted by ecomill at 8:50 PM BST

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reading has finally gotten me somewhere .. following the bull so to speak i have found the writer George Bernard Shaw .. and his story  free on the guttenberg press .org .. John Bull's Other Island .. starts off with some very broad brushstrokes . of character and national misconceptions .. simply we see what we want to see and disregard the rest .... 

ignorance dogma and arrogance add to the mix.. 

and now i guess having followed the bull it is time to dissect the day's events .. trivial as they may have been ..

I woke rather later than usual and checked my dream diary .. dreams of Veronica . kissing and dance hall .. 007  bond films and ritual dance .. vey interesting .. 

this brought me to breakfast time and tai chi .. an hour or so later i was done .. the rest of the morning i spent at work doing what i  needed to do to let me sleep at night ..

once i had forwarded the address of the hog farm and al . i settled down to a read .. of the benefits of CBT .. Cognitve behavoural Therapy .. the root of the problems i face amongst others are Anger frustration guilt inferior etc etc .. fear and more no doubt .. all caused by the thoughts in my head .

i was done around lunch time and had enough time to go swimming from past 01.00 till 02.30 or so .. and after the main event so to speak a meeting with Rachel Smart .. a care worker 

the meeting went well . and i hope that i put forward my case well enough .. my efforts i hope are bearing fruit ..

however the afternoon soon had me in its grip of impending gloom .. grey skies and a hint of autumn .. or dare i say winter well all this has a lasting effect upon my spirits .. however happy  birthday to Rachel 31 years tomorrow and good luck to her ..

home and the rest of the day was lost apart from a bass guitar practice session .. taking me to early evening ..

after a rather interesting meal i was interested by what i might find if i followed the bull .. and so off i set .. and found the rather wonderful John Bull  character .. and even more interesting .. the story by G B Shaw .. great for clearing the pallate 

and now it is before time and time to go ..

thanks to

waking up to good food good luck to good fortune to good overal health to good spirits to all those who are helping me in this time of trouble to hobbies to the NHS .. to good neighbours to laughter tears to comedy to music to exercise to meditation to books to teeth to hair to a roof over my head to family to work to studies to being paid to dreams to blogging to good landlords to phones to toys to medicine to money in the bank to sense and limb to teachers and to Andrew Maggie to 

Posted by ecomill at 7:41 PM BST

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Mood:  a-ok

now more memories of childhod

returning home from the shop .. wth an annual . 1970 - 2 early 70s at least .. and seeing a picture taken from the popular series UFO . the picture was of two aliens . dressed in red and dull silver . space suits .. i can recal their pose . they were standing on the rooftops of what could be a scene from a popular soap opera . a tenement of houses ..  One cradled a gun ..

more memories of that time were .. walking past the factory . RANKO . seeing it in light blue . clean looking . i believe that is where mum worked .

going to the fish and chips shop .. and Anthony not liking fish .. i recal the shoppng center . not far from the house . and it being a safe place where i could go .

getting ear ache . very painful and being aware that if i got it again i would have to have something major done ..

at the time we had a dog . and the cocker spanial was very nervous . another called Jade . a german shepherd ..

one happy memory was when my father took me to the top of the hill and got me to cycle without stablizers .. i remember the bike . being rather pink red . big white tires

those times were one of candles . dark nights .. and singing . You don't get me i'm part of the union . leo Sayer .. grand dad .. we love you grand dad we do ..

Another fond memory was when my dad brought back a watch ..  a suiss watch . no less . and i went swimming in local out door pool .and the poor thing was not water tight . and rusted within a very short space of time .. the pool was fantastic . i recal it being a very bright couple of days . very busy . and i learned somehow to enjoy myself .. even in the cold water .. again i felt free to be myself

Posted by ecomill at 12:10 PM BST

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Mood:  blue

today has left me feeling sad . the weather has been wonderful spring like and fair . with more said to be on the way . and yet tonight all is quiet in the Quinn household .. the lights are bright and the world is out there .. and here i sit alone in a strange peace ..

to explain .. i woke early again today .. and yes i felt good . wanting that extra few minutes .. and i got up around 07.20AM or so . to of course an hour of tai chi .. that led nicely to getting on for work time .. i hurried round the shop for breakfast . and had my morning word with Elaine . who has had a few days off .. simple grapes and milk with some raisons ..

i walked to work and felt good .. enough to remember those words .. give people want they want and more . i made Maggi a coffee and helped her with a problem on her computer .. i continued my work finding things to do ..

Bethal arrived and i knew that i had time to spare .. to get to know her better .. i described my weekend .. later i returned and we talked about driving lessons .. her new job requirement .. buses a no no .. and then it struck me to apply the cognitve therapy techiniques that i had read about .. and i returned with a pointer or two ..

i again had the opportunity to apply some more of these techiques to myself .. found that i was suddenly filled with jelousy at the arrival of all people Mark .. and i felt so bad that i began to feel quite poorly . and  yet once i had put down the feelings that i was experencing . checked a few twisted thinking areas .. overgeneralization .. mind reading . and totalled them up .. reviewed those thoughts and replaced them with more suitable ones . ie ones that were not made in the heat of the moment but in the cold light of day so to speak .. gave myself a revised score . in the light of new postive thinkng .. i felt better . good enough to forget the whole thing . Mark and I had a great chin wag about all sorts . including favourite dishes .. trout being one .. now how about that .. !

i left peace of mind .. and had time for some lunch .. and i was fortunate to arrive at the pool for a swim for adults only . 50 mins and a sauna . nice to see Patrick, Simon Sam etc .. I finished up at 02.15PM

arriving home i sat down to study . and got quite carried away till past 03.30PM .. finding ways to highlight text .. with borders and background images or colors .. an hour or so of study ..

i considerd the day and stuck to reading my sci fi novel Excession .. where the hero is having a shower . and afterwards has a chat with a hologram of a relative . telling him stories of old .. trillion yr old sun and a mysterious sphere . ships that had personalities ..and independent in every way . however i finished up having a few of those rather embarassing thoughts .. tirrets or so . i chose to meditate for a while 20 or so mins and went out for a walk .. in the spring like late afternoon .. what a good idea .. i walked into town feeling free and easy ..and after visiting the Brewhouse i went shopping .. busy and confused somewhat . it was after 05.00PM

i returned home and had a lovely meal .. salmon etc and now all being well i feel better for this small note upon my day it's ups and downs the highlights and the lessons learned ..

the highs .. helping Maggi and Bethel .. and realizing that i have skills and abilties that are of use .. my self esteem took a turn for the better .. once i realized that these people are human what they do is no different to what i can achieve ..

lows the odd negative emotion .. rage and jelousy at Mark for a moment .. and yet this was turned to good use with cognitive therapy.. reading being too much .. and yet taking a break did the trick ..

lessons learned . never judge a book by it's cover .. people are much more interesting than you might first believe ..don't judge criticise or condem .. remember today ..

a negative can be turned into a positive .. once the behaviour is looked at closely . and time taken to cool down .. take a walk .. meditate .. etc

doing someone a good turn .. feels great .

Posted by ecomill at 7:14 PM GMT

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Mood:  lazy

last night was rough  . i may have had 6 hours sleep . and so waking up as ii did at before 07.45AM i was not in the best of moods or shape . yes today Tim and I were to go on a run . and so at 08.30AM sharp we set off for an hour or so of running and conversation . interesting as he had had a bit ofa time of it . with the house nextdoor .. being open and ransacked no doubt .. poor Tim has had his car totalled .. not his fault . and so he was glad of a friendly ear ..

after the run breakfast ..great ! and so around 10.30AM i got some sleep .. till 12.00 PM ish now here is the good bit. i thought that it might be a great idea to go and do some work at Peace of mind and so for an hour i worked . as usual . from between 12.40PM till 01.40PM great however that alarm is going to bite me .. as it is not switched on .. locked yes . but that is aobut it . however considering we are talking peace of mind and not a bank . or even a shop . the chances of the place being raided are extremely slim . the only things worth nicking are a few computers .. way too bulky .. and not high end stuff either .. and yes the place is a one way street .. a rat trap .. nothing worth stealing .and even on the inside . doors locked downstairs and upstairs . no worries !

now to the afternoon once free .and after a meditation lasting 15 mns i went walking with Chris and boy we had a bit of fun . breaking ice . and telling jokes .. being young .. again . and after an hour or so i was quite tired .. and made it home at just before 04.00PM .. now i did some house work .. and talked on the phone .. till 05.00PM where i thought that i might take a chance and go swimming .. superb .. saunas and steam .. and 45 mins swim .. great met a few faces .. regulars. and a nice polish girl called Anna .. very friendly . and Guy who was quiet . and so with a heavy heart i made it home in time for tea . and yes i was quite ravenous .. the time now is 07.30PM and time for a few thankyous

to waking up this morning .. breakfast running swimming .. saunas and steam .. to friends like Chris . to good neighbours . good luck good fortune . good mental health .. good physical health .. to great spirits .. to family and to work . to workmates to lunch to tea to my garden to nintendo DS to tv to radio to phones toys and to laughter comedy tears and music . to hobbies to people like Tim and to being sober single and a non smoker to a home of my own to being paid to DVDS CDS to senses limbs and to shops to reiki and yoga tai chi and to art to sleep to the internet and to email to new friends Anna . to teachers like Andrew Rose and Jill to the albemarle center . to good landlords to family to vitamins and medicine to Drs and nurses to the new year .

and now all that i have on my mind is the picture or the place where i work .. safely tucked away in the most boring place imaginable . dark and locked up tight . of no interest to anyone .. and a job well done .. with only an hour to do tomorrow . easy . but that is another story ..

Posted by ecomill at 7:41 PM GMT

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Mood:  not sure

i guess that somehow today has been ok . waking up late and getting to do a bit of tai chi yoga for 90 mins or so . this with the proper rest took me up to lunch . and after lunch . well more tai chi and a journey out to photo a few gardens . spent largely on the allotments . where i met some interesting people .. some great gardens . and i returned happy .and after some swimming . 25 mins mn ! sauna included .

now i don't know why . however things are ok . nice to know the good people at the pool .. Hannah et al . i recal how this little cherub has fought back to good health . and is doing what she loves . ah well .. sometimes i feel that i am a very lucky person .

and now after tea . the radio is on and i am alone .. that kind of feeling where i expect no calls no knock at the door . and no one but myself .. for company ..

i am listening to rock memorabila . stuff that like film is filled with languid laid back stories .. and a definite closed shop ..

thanks to waking up great mental health physical health .. to good spirits . to breakfast lunch and tea . dinner to family and friends to music laughter tears and comedy to radio and tv to being sober single and a non smoker .. to medicine to vitamins to good luck to good fortune to my garden to cacti to toys to phones to help with living work to peace of mind yoga tai chi exercise .. to good neighbours good landlords to showers to teeth hair to books to teachers Andrew Jill and Rose and al to senses limbs and sleep to washing done dryers etc to hobbies to shops to all my classes .. biodanza and al

and so the band played on .. to the weekend

i don't know .. lonliness might be a comfort .. however i still recoil at pieces of film like the fellowship of the ring .. all too green ..and somehow the graphics are just too CGI . playing silly buggers with my eyes . however i still say that the book or should i say trilogy is too long . i lose the plot near the end of the second book towers etc and the third is a mess . with interest gone by the bye . cut the whole thing into perhaps the first book and a second . and well you might have something . readable .. however the film is too cartoon like with acting as a second partner .

the day is diminshing into a grey cloth that is punctuated by a few street lights . oily and bright .. the night is not far away

Posted by ecomill at 7:15 PM BST

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Mood:  d'oh

woke at 08.00AM and missed swimming . however the morning was a slow mess of mixed action .. tai chi and meditation . i guess the men's group was on my mind and how i would be . no worries though . nice to see everyone . and even a tear or two .. shed . positive . tears . and yes the afternoon was a mix of swimming . and saunas ..

nice to see Mark and the evening brought the yoga group .. and all those lovely girls .. oh and after scritti politti   mnn !! oh boy more emails from Andrew wow!! and i wonder about when we start .

to be fair i must remember to get up early . enough to go swimming proper . and well if there is no tai chi well there is always the Co Op . and that could be a whole lot of fun . nice to see Mark and the guys again . mnn !

now the darned day is almost over and i need to get on . yes today has worked out ok . even though i still have little in the way of self confidence . . however the sight of Lyne and Rachel . Rose and Sue . Rita and Ann . Jill and Paul .and well all's well that ends well . and yes nice to see Guy and the topic of conversation was Leonard Cohen .. and how little i know . mnn and now to my thanks

to Mum and Anthony . friends and great mental health to great physical health.. to laughter to tears to exercise to yoga to tai chi to swimming saunas to waking up to breafast to lunch to tea to dinner to music to comedy to toys to phones to being sober single and a non smoker . to good luck to good fortune to the internet to the radio and tv to the albemarle center . to peace of mind . to work to a roof over my head to help with living to good neighbours to good landlords to vitamins medicine to travel and to hobbies .. to asylum in Jerusalem .

Posted by ecomill at 9:13 PM BST

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Mood:  energetic

funny thing someone said . having spent the day seeing the other person's point of view . now i want me time . and i thought to myself . how easy is that . this man should read the tao of pooh . and then caring would become a case of life and death .. i still cannot escape the night i learned something primordial . something so powerful that it has shaped my every waking hour for the last 17 yrs . the title being a birthday party . for Eyeore .

no thanks today .just appreciation for a life if not all that well . at last well lived ..  Mum .

Posted by ecomill at 6:59 PM BST

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Mood:  smelly

ok so to the course of events . love is a funny .. no not that again . love is down right scarry especially when it's organized . we arrive like young little things . and you know what i and others haven't a clue as to what it's alll about . now Karen put it simply . spiritual . now what i see is the cause of a lot of distress .yep spirituality seems to hover between a broad south american catholic style of hot hot hot . and a rather weird animal nature shaman like . experience . that might challenge even the most adventurous of us poor souls . yes.. the tiger and the horse the snake the hippo . and the heron and yes i thought that the horse was a nice comfortable start . knowing a lot about horses . however this is not important . so it seems . it is what your horse is about . and the tiger .well the only tiger i know of is in the jungel  book . and the snake well hold on there partner . i recal yoga and the snake . whilst for safety . i chose an adder . a bee sting not too scarry .. however this was a challenge . and i found only other snakes . and being clever i chose to be cool . sunbathing . and being cool .same with the tiger . surrounded with other tigers . now that was a surprise . and the heron . i enjoyed that one . i was happy being a heron . and the scarry part . and the one where i employed a little reiki . thought . stomach rubbbing . and yes again i was scared . and suffered largely because things didn't work out the way i expected . however laughter true i don't know where from helpd a great deal . .. and so again this particular biodanza session was both challenging and funny . one thing however this spirit stuff makes me blush .. oh that makes me come to the point . i guess  the dog . where we just lounged around sniffing each other and making it as much an organized orgy as can keep a straight face .. the worst bit of course was the end . where i had to leave these fine people and get home without having a nervous breakdown . or possibly an attack of nerves .. however i was saved by the guys at the albemarle center .. upon leaving the building i heard the dulcit tones of Guy . and felt .. after a rain check that i was back on planet earth . and so with my mind set upon making it home . i put my mind on homing mode .. and half way there another friend .. waved his hello . hello Daryl . upon arriving home i felt i needed to tidy up and cook a meal . to organize my vitamins .. and to clean up . without giving myself a spiritual breakdown . or emergency . nothing however doing .. and after a fabulous meal of a new salmon . sauce lovely.. with a huge potato . great .. with a few seeds and pecan nuts ..mnn !!

now for the rest of the day . as per usual . tai chi and yoga .. work and swimming with sauna . and more tai chi Qi Qong . with the meals . the tai chi was great . easy into the day .. and then  work . at 08.45 .. and you know what all this went well .. and the yoga was again wonderful .. nice to talk with Sarah whom was the most patient listener . three weeks of Britainy .  . and as far as talking was concerned we had a grat chin wag with Rose and Susan . also a joke with Stuart . the adam and god thing . the cost of love .. an arm and leg .no how much for a rib ? . and so the swim . 30 mins of good stretching .. with a nice sauna . that did the trick . and so that my dear friend is about it . and now to the thanks .

thanks to family and friends . to great mental health to great physical health . to great spiritual health . to biodanza to a good night sleep to waking up . to tai chi to Qi Qong . to breakfast to shopping . to zen meditation to work to Rose and Susan to limbs to arms to legs to senses eyes and ears to touch to smell to taste to yoga . to teachers Rose and Andrew and Jill to lunch to swimming and sauna to help with living to rent paid to good neighbours to good landlords to good luck to good fortune to being sober and single to being a non smoker to laughter to tears to comedy to music to tea . to the radio to the tv  to the albemarle center to . my garden . to my vitamins and medicine to the internet . to toys and the phone to hobbies and electricty to lightbulbs to acupuncture and herbal tea. education and Colleges to teeth and hair . to travel . to showers .. to art and brewhouse .

ah to be sure . i need no more . if i had days like this every day . i would live for sure ..

Posted by ecomill at 8:17 PM BST

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Mood:  don't ask

yes i have woke up . anxios . and in many ways . annoyed . you go to bed feeling good . or as good as you like to be and then wake up. lousy . my first action was to imagine this awful thing and push it out of my system . firstly the form or mind's eye image was similar to yesterday . something like a frying pan big and black . followed by a dog's toy . something you throw . all coming from i guess my spleen . bottom left stomach . now all i could do was to push these images down and out through my feet into the earth . reiki helped and so these things became like paper . trampled like paper mache . images of children dancing upon these things . and a good load of water got rid . all i can think of is cornwall and the walks we used to make along the cliffs .and so i moved to the pool .. and enjoyed a sauna . ok today is turning out to be difficult . however the sauna was a god send  . after i felt more human and as i needed to shop off i went . and a strange feeling came over me . peacefulness . calm . acceptance . .the afternoon started well . warm and a nice easy feeling . to think comedy for an hour .  and home and safe .one thing that surprised me . i have been a yogi for five and half years . and i have only made this discovery that there is a whole new strand or two to the practice . yoga is more than just exercise there seems to be a whole new way of living .. starting with peacefulness . with peace you can then begin to understand ethics universal ethics that are vital to society . and the beginning of an understanding of the subject .

Posted by ecomill at 9:36 AM GMT

Updated: Saturday, 8 March 2008 1:28 PM GMT

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