end of the week . optional
Mood:
hug me
Now Playing: I'rather be a hammer than a nail
Topic: beginning to play
so the day has been and evening is here . things are getting clearer. And that has got to be a plus! . now to the day . Twitter is something that grows on you . A sense of equality among those who twitter .. we all are given equal share and that is that . simple and at times interesting..
now to the day . i woke early 07.00AM and was up and doing my tai chi till just gone 08.00AM .. breakfast and work by 08.15 AM well i sang today something of my own and was done by 20 mins past .. nice to do a good job .. and then as is my wont . time out and some meditation .. that took me to around mid morning .. with more tai chi around 30 mins or so .. and then part 2 of the cognitive therapy.. where i discovered a few things ..
to start i am not very good at trusting people .. negative thinking .. mind reading! Sonia certainly got the brunt of it .. in my state of mind i considered the possiblity of my computer footprint being hacked by those others who use the same computer . none of us have seperate accounts . and yet i was being over cautious as most people don't have a clue.. and so i sat and reasoned with myself for a minute .. so as to calm my fears .
yes i took part in a few tests concerning anxiety and depression .. it seems that I am slightly both ..anxious and depressed .. and yet the situation has seen an improvement over the week ... largely due to my takiing action on a few matters that need not worry me .. thanks to Bob and Amanda Rachel . the CAB and myself and the talk that i had with Mum .. Oh and of course Andrew and the men's group on the Wednesday.. that day was the turning point . and i have felt an improvement since then ..
now after my therapy session .. i was feeling quite good and after some quick blasts of the lion .. Anger management !! A treat that almost made me cry .. and certainly made my heart do some turns .. Edith Piaf the second part .. and yes i am not a movie buff and yet the commentary from Clare was a comfort .. and at times i felt my heart go out to her .. although i did have Andrew's words of wisdom .. take it or leave it .. my man . no hurry no scurry no worry .. my man !!
and so after a brief chat with Bob around 01.00PM i left for lunch and an afternoon swim ... oh and before that .. a chance to get to grips and play with microsoft word .. 2008 . very interesting and easy however the website is gonna take a bit of time so i can code it .. although i liked the look that you could create in next to no time .. well done ..and so by 03.00PM i was ready to swim and sauna . . met Kim and had a chat . swam for maybe 30 mins or more and finished by 05.00PM now i was still feeling somewhat anxious . and so played my game of spot the letters/numbers etc and this helped me see these feelings in their proper light .. whilst at the checkout . i chose to challenge myself and stood next to a mum and toddler .. where upon i started to add up the prices of the chocolate.. however better was to come .. a girl whom i thought seemed approachable was behind me in the queue . and i started a conversation . about swimming and past times .. well this worked a treat .. the whole thing was quite memorable and i felt so good i thought it wise just in time to compliment the cashier .. aswell .. beauty being more that skin deep .. I left feeling very good about myself and all signs of anxiety gone ..
now after well i hurried home and remembered that even 10 or 15 mins makes all the difference and so started on some bass guitar practice . Brian Eno would have been proud . and the eveing meal was delicious .. chicken cooked and everything piping hot ..
i read a bit of twitter and some emails that made me chuckle whilst the Bud Ads are funny the virus named work was even more so ..
the evening is still and as a matter a fact so am I counting the seconds of inner quiet .. peaceful even ..as sometimes happens these days . ahh !
thanks to waking up this morning . tai chi toys work and work mates SCC and friends to warmth on a cold night to shops to breakfast lunch and dinner to good cooking to laughter and tears to comedy and music to film to peace of mind to my garden to being single and sober and a non smoker to the internet to email to phones to family to good luck to good fortune to good neighbours to great landlords to great mental health to grand physical health to good spirits to therapy to tv to radio to DVD to a roof over my head to help with living rent paid to people like Kim to swimming and saunas to yoga to meditation to teeth and hair to new friends to vitamins and medicine to Drs and nurses Rachel and Amanda to hobbies to books and teachers Andrew and Rose to fellow yogis and yoginis.. and to senses and limbs and to the weekend .
today has had it's highs and lows
Connecting with Clare. the film Edith Piaf .
the Look on Kim's face when talking about work .. i felt like slinking off . shameful of what i could not quite grasp.. something to do with the rat race . I don't know
that moment when you realize that the blues have been chased away simply by talking with someone in the queue at th supermarket .
and the sadness that you couldn't take that person home .
the realization that one has slight anxiety and the blues .. although this again made me understand that looking at these things is best .. the next time i take the tests will be different .. and anyhow this has been understandable and once looked at i also understood that i am getting better .. the glass is most defiinitly half full ..
and now that moment of silence and stillness .. both outside and in .. i sat and no thought passed my mind for a long time ..
and so it is with this thought .. i am going to sign off .. and put the heating on . it's gonna be a cold night
Posted by ecomill
at 7:41 PM GMT